Monday, November 7, 2016

Nov.7/ 2016

Well I made one last teary-eyed plea to save my marriage last night and Nick still insists that I am still getting together with this Chris person, that he has proof we were together last week on the day Nick went to his dentist's appointment. I don't know how he thinks I can get together with someone and shovel out the barn at the same time but apparently this is possible. Even though that is all Nick usually has to show for his day's work. I am now certain that there is no hope of a future for us.

He just came upstairs to tell me that Chris complained to Nick's 'source' that he had to move the turtle tank for me so I could clean it because Nick was too lazy to clean it himself. I did clean it myself about three months ago just to show Nick that saying he can't lift the tank himself doesn't cut it with me as an excuse not to clean it. He always says he needs my help to carry it over to the sink to dump it and rinse it out. So one day I was really fed up and I carried it over by myself and cleaned it and put it back on the table where it goes. If little 105-pound me can do it by myself then surely Nick can as well. To be honest, it takes all the strength I have on a good day to lift that thing but when you are pissed off and determined to prove someone wrong, you can move mountains.

He comes up with the wildest ideas. And they often have a thread of truth to them, or they are related to something currently needing to be done around here. Very weird. Like a couple of months ago Invictus' feet needed to be trimmed, his hooves that is. Nick is a farrier - that is what the people who do horse's feet are called. He took the course at the agriculture college back when he had horses before. Invictus is a very large horse and he is very easily spooked with new experiences. I think Nick has done his feet maybe once before, no more than twice. And his feet are huge. It is very difficult to hold onto a foot his size even if the horse is being cooperative and it is impossible to do otherwise. Both Nick and I knew his feet needed to be done - his hooves were chipped and broken.
So one day Nick accuses me of getting someone to come to the farm and trim this horse's feet. He  says that they have been trimmed and filed, and that whoever did it did a really bad job and abused the horse while doing the work. Nick claimed that the horse had been 'ruined' and that now he would never be able to do his feet himself as a result. He pretended to be furious, and beside himself with grief because now he would have to sell his favorite horse as he was 'ruined'. I asked Nick if he really thought I had called someone and asked them to come and do Invictus' feet, and that they had snuck into the barn when Nick wasn't there and somehow gotten Invictus inside as well. This horse only trusts Nick and even I have to coax and bribe him to come along with me. Most farriers would have nothing to do with a horse that size and that temperament, and they would have to be paid a lot of money or have a lot of tranquilizer or maybe need both before they would work with him without the owner present. You can't tie a horse that large and powerful to any part of our barn - he can pull restraints right out of the walls and he can snap boards like matchsticks when he is panicked.

It is November now and it is difficult looking after the livestock in the winter. There is no grass in the pastures, their diets will consist of the hay we give them morning and night, supplemented with some sweet feed and oats twice a day. It costs around a hundred dollars a month to feed each horse, and probably a bit more in the winter because you want to give them enough so they put on and keep on a little extra weight, to keep them warm.
The water freezes on cold days. The ice has to be banged out of the buckets in each stall before they can be filled, which is done twice a day. The snow makes pushing the wheelbarrow full of manure from the stalls a lot more difficult than it is in the summer, and your hands and feet get cold no matter how warmly you are dressed. You are restricted to wearing gloves because you need your fingers to unlatch stall doors and maneuver halters onto heads.
Keeping the house warm is also a challenge. We have a wood furnace, as I have mentioned, and the wood needs to be brought inside and split before it can be put into the furnace, and it has to be kept burning by adding more every four to five hours at the very least which means getting up in the middle of night if the house is going to be comfortable when it's time to get up and get ready for work. We also have an oil furnace as well as electric baseboards in most rooms but we have no money to buy oil or to pay a large power bill. Nick does not have any wood in the basement at present, and has been bringing in what he needs for the night and the next morning during the afternoon or after the horses have been brought in for the day and have been fed their evening meal.
My point is that I need Nick in order to survive out here until spring. And I need his help to re-home or sell the horses. If the new owners could come here and transport the horses to their farms that would be ideal but to be able to deliver them ourselves is a good selling point and also allows us to check out their new homes. There is a lot of peace of mind that comes with knowing where your animals have ended up and knowing they are being well-cared for.

I have come to the realization that I cannot live here with Nick for any longer than it takes to find new homes for the horses and fix up the place for sale. And for now I have to wait for warmer weather. I have no idea how all of this is going to play out. I just know my dream of growing old on a farm with these wonderful beasts will be nothing but a wistful memory when all is said and done.