Thursday, August 31, 2017
This is one of the days of the year I dread. I so look forward to the summer, to July and August, so I am always sorry when August draws to a close. Some folks think of September as the start of a new year, but for me it is always the end of the only season I like and the beginning of the cold that just gets worse until it finally ends in about 10 months!
I was off today and Nick left around noon to do some errands. I cut the grass which took about 2+1/2 hours and I puttered around doing little things like filling the duck's kiddie pool with water and making a video of them going for a swim and taking a bath. It was a lovely day, sunny and warm. I picked some beans and tomatoes and then I came inside to vacuum and clean the bathrooms, tidy up the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, nothing too strenuous. I tried to read outside with a glass of wine because I wanted my dog Sam to have some time outside today but the bugs drove me mad so I gave up and came inside after about 20 minutes. I had multiple spots bleeding from scratching and I wasn't keen on making scars haha.
My dear dog Sam has really gotten old over the last few weeks. He was 10 in February and his breed's life expectancy is 10 to 12 years. He fell backwards trying to come up the stairs a couple of times about 6 weeks ago so I took him to get his nails cut because the stairway is hardwood and I felt he was 'skidding' on his nails. It did seem to make a bit of a difference but about a week ago he stopped eating his dry kibble and I have started giving him canned food instead. He will eat some of it but then decides he has had enough. The same with treats and biscuits. He is very pleased with the first one but quickly loses interest. Last evening he slid backwards down the stairs as he tried to come up to bed and I got Nick to carry him up. He slept all night in one spot and didn't get up at all when I got up and got dressed. When I went over to the other side of the bed to check on him, he had gotten himself under the bed and of course, couldn't get up or out. I just pulled him by his legs and slid him clear, the floor is hardwood. But he made no attempt to get up. I had to lift him up under his rib cage and coax him out of the bedroom and down the stairs. And then he went and laid down on the tiled floor in the main floor bathroom. There he stayed until about 3pm when again I had to coax him to come outside and go for a pee. He didn't want to go for a walk around, he just turned and headed back for the door. That is when I decided to grab my book and a glass of wine and I tried to get him out into some fresh air.
Nick has come home while I was typing. It was getting late so I brought the horses in and fed them and the calf and finished in the barn for the night. I shoveled the stalls quickly but not thoroughly and I threw some extra hay down for the calf as bedding for the night. It would really be nice if Nick would shovel the stalls before he disappears for the day. He must know by now that he almost never gets back in time to get out and shovel before I bring them in. In fact, the other night as I arrived home from work around 915pm, Nick hustled out to the barn just as I was coming down the walkway. He must have heard my car and realized how late it was. I swear he has absolutely no concept of the passage of time when he sits down at his computer. But doesn't the time show in the corner somewhere?
I put our last horse Zack, for sale online and there have been 4 or 5 people interested in him. Two of them are planning to come out on Monday to see him, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. A couple of others have yet to decide on days or times. I asked Nick when the boarder is moving his horse and he said he is looking for another place now, so I really hope that it so. It would be so not fair to have that poor horse here by herself all winter.
Thursday 31 August 2017
Monday 28 August 2017
Monday, August 28, 2017
Monday, August 28, 2017
The last of my three days off. I spent Saturday moving the rest of the few items of furniture my younger daughter had left in the apartment she sub-let for the summer which was the remainder of her lease. Her sister and fiancé helped and it was nice to see them. We also spent Sunday, my birthday together. We took a drive up to a spot she is thinking of having her wedding next year and had lunch in the little town nearby. It was a great way to spend a birthday. Even your 60th haha.
Nick hasn't been home the past few evenings in time to bring the horses in so I have been doing this. It's not that I mind at all, it's just that I would like to know before it start's to get dark and I realize Nick is not home yet and the horses are still out.
He has been gone during the day the last three days I have been home which is nice. He was away on Thursday too. He mentioned that he had stitches put in his finger from an accident he had with his throwing knives. He said he has been going to the gym to spar and to fight. I think it is a good thing for him to take out some of his frustration on somebody else.
He has been banging around the house here at night so often and so loudly that it is really disrupting my sleep and starting to wreck my nerves. Last night was the worst so far. He was tossing chairs around in the kitchen and yelling stuff. There was a rude note for me on the counter when I got up this morning. Telling me that some of his pills and supplements were missing and that the beef grower grain had disappeared - I had given it to my boyfriend Salter. Well it is true, I was the one who used up the beef grower because I was the one who brought the horses in the last few nights and I also gave them their grain on Saturday and Sunday mornings as I was getting ready to go to my daughter's and I felt sorry for the animals as I can hear the horses kicking their stall walls and the calf bawling in the barn so I fed them before I left. And he knew that. Of course I gave them beef grower so of course there is considerably less there than there was the last time he looked into the bin we keep it in. I don't know what has happened to his logic. It's like he can't figure what actually must have happened. He decides it has to be connected to Salter and no matter how outrageous the story is, that has to be the truth as far as he is concerned.
Last night I actually was scared of what he might do next. I managed to push the dresser in front on the bedroom door and the deck door was already blocked with furniture because Nick had done that earlier in the day. He did it the day before as well. I closed and locked the bathroom window and with those things done I felt somewhat confident that he wouldn't be able to come into the bedroom where I was trying to sleep. If he did try to get in somehow I figured I would have enough time to get out and get away. This morning after I got up I checked out the escape ladder my mom gave me in case of a fire and realized it wouldn't work over the deck railing. So I have decided I will make my escape another way and I set that up just in case. I'm not going to mention it here - just in case Nick has access to my laptop that I am unaware of. I need to get a backpack that I can throw my essentials into if I have to leave in a hurry.
He got up early this morning and started banging around again. I think it was around 6am. The episode in the middle of the night was from about 1am to 230am. He woke me up when he came upstairs to bed around 11pm. I ended up sleeping in until about 10am which I promised myself I would do as I lay awake most of the night. I was quite relieved and happy to see his car was gone when I took my dog outside after I got up.
I painted the deck between the two upstairs bedrooms and I also painted the stairs going into the basement. Both I painted the same dark grey with porch paint. I intended to do more painting but the garage was locked and the white exterior paint was locked inside so I wasn't able to paint the door of the shed and the railings on the other two bedroom decks. Oh well, gives me time to type on the computer.
Nick had been telling me to sell our last horse. When I asked him why he said 'I don't know how much longer I will be around' which suits me fine. I can't take much more of these antics in the middle of the night and early in the morning. I intend to contact a lawyer and maybe see if we can live in the house on alternate weeks.
I assume he is planning another trip to Europe to see his Ukrainian girlfriend. He had another picture of her he wanted me to see the other day. She was in a black bikini and she was leaning back on a railing in front of a beach. She does look lovely, but I don't know what she is doing with Nick. I suppose she thinks he has money and will bring her and her daughter to Canada before she dumps him.
The last of my three days off. I spent Saturday moving the rest of the few items of furniture my younger daughter had left in the apartment she sub-let for the summer which was the remainder of her lease. Her sister and fiancé helped and it was nice to see them. We also spent Sunday, my birthday together. We took a drive up to a spot she is thinking of having her wedding next year and had lunch in the little town nearby. It was a great way to spend a birthday. Even your 60th haha.
Nick hasn't been home the past few evenings in time to bring the horses in so I have been doing this. It's not that I mind at all, it's just that I would like to know before it start's to get dark and I realize Nick is not home yet and the horses are still out.
He has been gone during the day the last three days I have been home which is nice. He was away on Thursday too. He mentioned that he had stitches put in his finger from an accident he had with his throwing knives. He said he has been going to the gym to spar and to fight. I think it is a good thing for him to take out some of his frustration on somebody else.
He has been banging around the house here at night so often and so loudly that it is really disrupting my sleep and starting to wreck my nerves. Last night was the worst so far. He was tossing chairs around in the kitchen and yelling stuff. There was a rude note for me on the counter when I got up this morning. Telling me that some of his pills and supplements were missing and that the beef grower grain had disappeared - I had given it to my boyfriend Salter. Well it is true, I was the one who used up the beef grower because I was the one who brought the horses in the last few nights and I also gave them their grain on Saturday and Sunday mornings as I was getting ready to go to my daughter's and I felt sorry for the animals as I can hear the horses kicking their stall walls and the calf bawling in the barn so I fed them before I left. And he knew that. Of course I gave them beef grower so of course there is considerably less there than there was the last time he looked into the bin we keep it in. I don't know what has happened to his logic. It's like he can't figure what actually must have happened. He decides it has to be connected to Salter and no matter how outrageous the story is, that has to be the truth as far as he is concerned.
Last night I actually was scared of what he might do next. I managed to push the dresser in front on the bedroom door and the deck door was already blocked with furniture because Nick had done that earlier in the day. He did it the day before as well. I closed and locked the bathroom window and with those things done I felt somewhat confident that he wouldn't be able to come into the bedroom where I was trying to sleep. If he did try to get in somehow I figured I would have enough time to get out and get away. This morning after I got up I checked out the escape ladder my mom gave me in case of a fire and realized it wouldn't work over the deck railing. So I have decided I will make my escape another way and I set that up just in case. I'm not going to mention it here - just in case Nick has access to my laptop that I am unaware of. I need to get a backpack that I can throw my essentials into if I have to leave in a hurry.
He got up early this morning and started banging around again. I think it was around 6am. The episode in the middle of the night was from about 1am to 230am. He woke me up when he came upstairs to bed around 11pm. I ended up sleeping in until about 10am which I promised myself I would do as I lay awake most of the night. I was quite relieved and happy to see his car was gone when I took my dog outside after I got up.
I painted the deck between the two upstairs bedrooms and I also painted the stairs going into the basement. Both I painted the same dark grey with porch paint. I intended to do more painting but the garage was locked and the white exterior paint was locked inside so I wasn't able to paint the door of the shed and the railings on the other two bedroom decks. Oh well, gives me time to type on the computer.
Nick had been telling me to sell our last horse. When I asked him why he said 'I don't know how much longer I will be around' which suits me fine. I can't take much more of these antics in the middle of the night and early in the morning. I intend to contact a lawyer and maybe see if we can live in the house on alternate weeks.
I assume he is planning another trip to Europe to see his Ukrainian girlfriend. He had another picture of her he wanted me to see the other day. She was in a black bikini and she was leaning back on a railing in front of a beach. She does look lovely, but I don't know what she is doing with Nick. I suppose she thinks he has money and will bring her and her daughter to Canada before she dumps him.
Friday 25 August 2017
Friday, August 25, 2017
Friday, August 25, 2017
What a long week, I was so totally tired. Monday I was off and I got the grass cut and then I went into work to a meeting. I had planned to work in the yard and garden when I got back but the bugs were so bad from the recent rain that I decided to do stuff inside instead.
I had Thursday off as well and I did work in the garden in the morning - the beans and spinach and beet greens are ready to pick - but it was a hot, humid day and I talked myself out of anything else but housework. Thursday was also my younger daughter's birthday so I was a bit bummed out because she is so far away. I chatted with her via text messages but I still missed seeing her and hearing here voice. My birthday is in a couple of days and turning 60 with half of my life savings gone as a result of falling in love with a user and a schemer isn't feeling so great. I also always feel somewhat down at this time of the year. I look so forward to the summer and once I realize it is coming to an end I mourn its passing. I so don't enjoy the other months of the year. I love the warmth and the growing of the late spring and summer.
This fall has a lot of unknowns. Will Nick be around to plow the snow? How will I heat the house? He has cut no wood. There are a few trees down he can chainsaw into pieces but not nearly enough for several weeks let alone a whole winter, especially if it is a long and/or cold one. I hate the thought of going to bed each night fully dressed with a hat and scarf on like I did last winter and showering and dressing in the bathroom which I have warmed up a bit with a space heater.
I am now off for three days, which happens every 4 weeks. Nick has himself locked downstairs in the computer room where he is listening to some Eurovision 2017 stuff I think. At least some of it is. I hear that song he plays over and over and over again.
Nick was looking for a stud finder this morning. He told me it was missing about 5 minutes before I had to leave for work. I took a quick look around but all I managed to find was a motion detector he had hidden in the gym. I must admit I really thought I had found what he was looking for. He pretended that he was going to do some work on the house but couldn't now he didn't have what he needed. Such a crock of shit.
What a long week, I was so totally tired. Monday I was off and I got the grass cut and then I went into work to a meeting. I had planned to work in the yard and garden when I got back but the bugs were so bad from the recent rain that I decided to do stuff inside instead.
I had Thursday off as well and I did work in the garden in the morning - the beans and spinach and beet greens are ready to pick - but it was a hot, humid day and I talked myself out of anything else but housework. Thursday was also my younger daughter's birthday so I was a bit bummed out because she is so far away. I chatted with her via text messages but I still missed seeing her and hearing here voice. My birthday is in a couple of days and turning 60 with half of my life savings gone as a result of falling in love with a user and a schemer isn't feeling so great. I also always feel somewhat down at this time of the year. I look so forward to the summer and once I realize it is coming to an end I mourn its passing. I so don't enjoy the other months of the year. I love the warmth and the growing of the late spring and summer.
This fall has a lot of unknowns. Will Nick be around to plow the snow? How will I heat the house? He has cut no wood. There are a few trees down he can chainsaw into pieces but not nearly enough for several weeks let alone a whole winter, especially if it is a long and/or cold one. I hate the thought of going to bed each night fully dressed with a hat and scarf on like I did last winter and showering and dressing in the bathroom which I have warmed up a bit with a space heater.
I am now off for three days, which happens every 4 weeks. Nick has himself locked downstairs in the computer room where he is listening to some Eurovision 2017 stuff I think. At least some of it is. I hear that song he plays over and over and over again.
Nick was looking for a stud finder this morning. He told me it was missing about 5 minutes before I had to leave for work. I took a quick look around but all I managed to find was a motion detector he had hidden in the gym. I must admit I really thought I had found what he was looking for. He pretended that he was going to do some work on the house but couldn't now he didn't have what he needed. Such a crock of shit.
Monday 21 August 2017
Monday, August 21, 2017
Monday, August 21, 2017
The tractor is gone. I can see the tire marks in the driveway where it was driven up onto a ramp, the marks where the ramp was sitting are there too. Nick says it was taken by the dealership we purchased it from for an update, but I will call them tomorrow from work to see if that is the truth.
I got up this morning and cut the grass. I had to go into work to meet with one of our clients, and then I came right back home again. Rather a pain to make the hour drive for a 30-minute meeting, but it had to be done. It is a hot and muggy day today. I thought I would tidy up the yard when I got home but the mosquitos were so hungry all I did was water some of my potted plants and then I came inside to catch up on this. The last few nights I have tried to make entries, I haven't been able to connect to the internet. I am thinking that Nick has been turning the router off when he is finished on the computer. Just to annoy me. He claims that someone else is using our internet besides he and I and that they somehow have our password. I don't even know the password.
Nick bought a couple of T-shirts with MOSSAD on them. 'The Institute for Intelligence and Special Operations'. He also has one with 'Israel Defense Forces' on it. The other day I noticed he had bought two green and yellow flags and hung them up in the gym room. I tried to find out what the flags represent, but I couldn't find anything on the internet. Now I see that the Israel Defence Forces colors are green and yellow. When I asked him Nick told me that they were Ukraine flags he got for a friend of his, but they are not Ukraine flags according to Wikipedia. I know Nick is crazy, but has he become radicalized as well?
I will make note of something amusing before I close for the day. Nick has taken a sharpie and made a mark resembling a 'y' on each of the three eggs he collected from our hens this morning. A silver sharpie at that. Very special eggs I guess.
He is downstairs now on his computer, listening to the same Eurovision songs over and over again. The same one or two he always listens to. I googled 'freedom is our religion' which is what is on a building in the background of the picture of Nick and his Ukrainian girlfriend, and apparently this is in Kiev and is in connection with this Eurovision song contest which was held in Kiev in May. Before Nick made his trip over there. I guess this explains in a small way his addiction and fascination to these songs he listens to incessantly. A couple of them are great songs, but I for one am getting tired of hearing them.
The tractor is gone. I can see the tire marks in the driveway where it was driven up onto a ramp, the marks where the ramp was sitting are there too. Nick says it was taken by the dealership we purchased it from for an update, but I will call them tomorrow from work to see if that is the truth.
I got up this morning and cut the grass. I had to go into work to meet with one of our clients, and then I came right back home again. Rather a pain to make the hour drive for a 30-minute meeting, but it had to be done. It is a hot and muggy day today. I thought I would tidy up the yard when I got home but the mosquitos were so hungry all I did was water some of my potted plants and then I came inside to catch up on this. The last few nights I have tried to make entries, I haven't been able to connect to the internet. I am thinking that Nick has been turning the router off when he is finished on the computer. Just to annoy me. He claims that someone else is using our internet besides he and I and that they somehow have our password. I don't even know the password.
Nick bought a couple of T-shirts with MOSSAD on them. 'The Institute for Intelligence and Special Operations'. He also has one with 'Israel Defense Forces' on it. The other day I noticed he had bought two green and yellow flags and hung them up in the gym room. I tried to find out what the flags represent, but I couldn't find anything on the internet. Now I see that the Israel Defence Forces colors are green and yellow. When I asked him Nick told me that they were Ukraine flags he got for a friend of his, but they are not Ukraine flags according to Wikipedia. I know Nick is crazy, but has he become radicalized as well?
I will make note of something amusing before I close for the day. Nick has taken a sharpie and made a mark resembling a 'y' on each of the three eggs he collected from our hens this morning. A silver sharpie at that. Very special eggs I guess.
He is downstairs now on his computer, listening to the same Eurovision songs over and over again. The same one or two he always listens to. I googled 'freedom is our religion' which is what is on a building in the background of the picture of Nick and his Ukrainian girlfriend, and apparently this is in Kiev and is in connection with this Eurovision song contest which was held in Kiev in May. Before Nick made his trip over there. I guess this explains in a small way his addiction and fascination to these songs he listens to incessantly. A couple of them are great songs, but I for one am getting tired of hearing them.
Friday, August 18, 2017
Friday, August 18, 2017
On Monday morning I got a call from the real estate agent letting me know that someone wanted to see the house the next day between 10:30 and 11:30am. I flew into high gear and cleaned windows and deck doors and basement stairs, toilets and bathtubs, vacuumed and mopped floors - I went steady until about 11pm when I decided that whatever was done was all that was going to be done. Besides the few things I would do in the morning before I left for work, I was finished. I planned to turn on the lights and the scented plug-ins and check the cat's litter box for fresh/stinky deposits. I had nagged Nick about tidying up the computer room as well as his bedroom, particularly the blood spots on the carpet, and he promised me it would all be done 'if he had to stay up all night'. I asked if I would be able to go into the computer room and clean it up but he refused to let me in there. All I was permitted to do was to open the windows.
Nick did agree to take the dogs away in the car at the time the showing was scheduled. I went off to work in the morning and anxiously waited for the report from the agent. The first showing is always exhilarating, but after a few with no offers, the temporary high becomes stifled.
About 30 minutes after the time the showing was scheduled to begin, I got a message from the agent saying that the clients had been so put off by the broken down fences and general clutter in the yard that they decided they didn't want to see inside the house. Their impression was that 'the owners didn't care about the property'. I forwarded the message to Nick just as it had been sent to me.
He was upstairs reading in his room when I got home, and I had decided not to start a fight with him about it anyway. I was way too tired. I just wanted to go to bed. We said little the next morning as I left for work. I didn't feel like fighting before work either.
I was off the next day, Thursday, and I had made an appointment to take my dog Sam to have his nails clipped. Nick had been doing it for years but he said his clippers had disappeared. My dog Sam is 10 now and he has slipped or fallen down the hardwood stairs while coming and going from my bedroom over the last few weeks. He hasn't been eating well either. I thought having his nails cut might make it easier for him. It is such a pitiful sight to see him fall down the stairs.
Sam and I had a nice adventure together that morning. he had his nails cut, which he is always very good for, and we went to the post office and to the bakery as well. We shared a couple of tea biscuits on the way back home. I used to never give him human food but since he doesn't seem much interested in his dog food anymore, I have started giving him scraps hoping he will gain back a bit of weight.
When we got home and I announced we had successfully had nails clipped, Nick asked me why I had taken him anywhere instead of asking him to do it. I told him I thought the clippers had gone missing to which he replied that 'they had re-appeared again'. I had told him I thought they ere in the computer room and obviously that is where he found them. Oh well, Sam and I had had a great time together that we would have otherwise missed.
I started to feel rather lousy, and decided to lay down for awhile, something I never do during the day. I think I was just exhausted, mentally and physically, from the past several days. I slept right through until the next morning. I got once or twice to use the bathroom, but that was it.
On Monday morning I got a call from the real estate agent letting me know that someone wanted to see the house the next day between 10:30 and 11:30am. I flew into high gear and cleaned windows and deck doors and basement stairs, toilets and bathtubs, vacuumed and mopped floors - I went steady until about 11pm when I decided that whatever was done was all that was going to be done. Besides the few things I would do in the morning before I left for work, I was finished. I planned to turn on the lights and the scented plug-ins and check the cat's litter box for fresh/stinky deposits. I had nagged Nick about tidying up the computer room as well as his bedroom, particularly the blood spots on the carpet, and he promised me it would all be done 'if he had to stay up all night'. I asked if I would be able to go into the computer room and clean it up but he refused to let me in there. All I was permitted to do was to open the windows.
Nick did agree to take the dogs away in the car at the time the showing was scheduled. I went off to work in the morning and anxiously waited for the report from the agent. The first showing is always exhilarating, but after a few with no offers, the temporary high becomes stifled.
About 30 minutes after the time the showing was scheduled to begin, I got a message from the agent saying that the clients had been so put off by the broken down fences and general clutter in the yard that they decided they didn't want to see inside the house. Their impression was that 'the owners didn't care about the property'. I forwarded the message to Nick just as it had been sent to me.
He was upstairs reading in his room when I got home, and I had decided not to start a fight with him about it anyway. I was way too tired. I just wanted to go to bed. We said little the next morning as I left for work. I didn't feel like fighting before work either.
I was off the next day, Thursday, and I had made an appointment to take my dog Sam to have his nails clipped. Nick had been doing it for years but he said his clippers had disappeared. My dog Sam is 10 now and he has slipped or fallen down the hardwood stairs while coming and going from my bedroom over the last few weeks. He hasn't been eating well either. I thought having his nails cut might make it easier for him. It is such a pitiful sight to see him fall down the stairs.
Sam and I had a nice adventure together that morning. he had his nails cut, which he is always very good for, and we went to the post office and to the bakery as well. We shared a couple of tea biscuits on the way back home. I used to never give him human food but since he doesn't seem much interested in his dog food anymore, I have started giving him scraps hoping he will gain back a bit of weight.
When we got home and I announced we had successfully had nails clipped, Nick asked me why I had taken him anywhere instead of asking him to do it. I told him I thought the clippers had gone missing to which he replied that 'they had re-appeared again'. I had told him I thought they ere in the computer room and obviously that is where he found them. Oh well, Sam and I had had a great time together that we would have otherwise missed.
I started to feel rather lousy, and decided to lay down for awhile, something I never do during the day. I think I was just exhausted, mentally and physically, from the past several days. I slept right through until the next morning. I got once or twice to use the bathroom, but that was it.
Sunday 13 August 2017
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Sunday, August 13, 2017
I spent the day cleaning up the second living room we have in the house. Nick has his gym set up in there, so it is a room that is hardly used, although it is a lovely space. It has a wall to ceiling stone fireplace and the room has cathedral ceilings with wooden beams. One side is all windows and there is a staircase leading up to the bedrooms on the second floor. It took me most of the day, but I am very pleased with it and I actually wish I had done it a long time ago. I just have the windows to clean and perhaps I will do that tomorrow.
Nick was away most of the day, I assume he was visiting his daughter but he may have been with a German friend of his who we usually get together with this time of year when he is here for the summer. Nick took a phone call from this fellow this morning while I was still sleeping which woke me up for the day. Nick had woken me up sometime after midnight and also very early but I had gone back to sleep after those interruptions. I wish he would stop banging things around. I don't say anything to him because I figure he is doing it to make my life miserable and I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing he is doing an excellent job.
I was wondering today as I was working to get the house presentable for showing if Nick got any pleasure out of watching me slave away while he does absolutely nothing. If he does anything, it is to mess things up around here so that I have to spend time just breaking even rather than being able to make progress on the long to-do list. He came in this evening and proceeded to make espresso and he managed to get the coffee grounds all over the floor. Maybe about half made it into the garbage can.
He is downstairs now swearing to himself and banging stuff around. I was just thinking I was hungry and feeling like a snack but I don't know if I am feeling brave enough to venture down to the kitchen.
At any rate I need to top up my wine so I guess I will put my cell phone on voice recorder and head on down.
On second thought, maybe I won't. He is really in a rage. I wonder what might have happened to put him in such a foul mood. Best to keep my mouth shut and my ears open.
I spent the day cleaning up the second living room we have in the house. Nick has his gym set up in there, so it is a room that is hardly used, although it is a lovely space. It has a wall to ceiling stone fireplace and the room has cathedral ceilings with wooden beams. One side is all windows and there is a staircase leading up to the bedrooms on the second floor. It took me most of the day, but I am very pleased with it and I actually wish I had done it a long time ago. I just have the windows to clean and perhaps I will do that tomorrow.
Nick was away most of the day, I assume he was visiting his daughter but he may have been with a German friend of his who we usually get together with this time of year when he is here for the summer. Nick took a phone call from this fellow this morning while I was still sleeping which woke me up for the day. Nick had woken me up sometime after midnight and also very early but I had gone back to sleep after those interruptions. I wish he would stop banging things around. I don't say anything to him because I figure he is doing it to make my life miserable and I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing he is doing an excellent job.
I was wondering today as I was working to get the house presentable for showing if Nick got any pleasure out of watching me slave away while he does absolutely nothing. If he does anything, it is to mess things up around here so that I have to spend time just breaking even rather than being able to make progress on the long to-do list. He came in this evening and proceeded to make espresso and he managed to get the coffee grounds all over the floor. Maybe about half made it into the garbage can.
He is downstairs now swearing to himself and banging stuff around. I was just thinking I was hungry and feeling like a snack but I don't know if I am feeling brave enough to venture down to the kitchen.
At any rate I need to top up my wine so I guess I will put my cell phone on voice recorder and head on down.
On second thought, maybe I won't. He is really in a rage. I wonder what might have happened to put him in such a foul mood. Best to keep my mouth shut and my ears open.
Saturday 12 August 2017
Saturday, August 12, 2017
Saturday, August 12, 2017
I was driving home from work tonight and I was thinking about promises Nick had made to me about paying me back for my providing the down payment on the farm etc. A family member or friend must think I am very stupid for agreeing to this financial arrangement ie me paying for everything. But Nick had told me that he would be able to match my down payment after he sold his house and that he would be working at his job for another 4, 5 or 6 years, or 'whatever it took' for him to pay down the mortgage on the farm so that his contribution was equal to mine. He said he would take over the mortgage and I could put all my earnings toward my retirement. As I now know, this was never his intention. he had other financial obligations which prevented him from having any disposable income, and when he sold his house, he received only $1,638 to compare to my $214,000 and as well he fell way short of matching my down payment of $90,000. And then he retired suddenly without paying down any of the mortgage. In fact, he walked into the bank one day and withdrew every penny we had paid on the mortgage and put this $31,000 on his VISA. Not exactly what was planned. Not honouring his verbal agreement. As I understand it, verbal agreements are supposed to be as binding as any other sort of agreement. Or not.
Nick also promised over and over that he would be 'working his ass off' to make improvements and clear the land etc etc and this would have increased the value of the property but instead he has done absolutely nothing and the property is in a sad state of disrepair. He won't let me get anyone out here to do anything as he says he will not permit anyone on the property, even to cut firewood or fix the fences. So what am I to do? Wait I guess, and fix up what I can. And hope that Nick decides to start a life with this Ukrainian woman and leaves me alone to pick up the pieces of mine. I wouldn't care so much if I were younger. It's not that I fell old, but my birth certificate tell me I will be 60 soon, and that most folks retire when they are 65. But I have to just about start over financially at this point. It's good thing I have never had any high expectations for my retirement years.
I was driving home from work tonight and I was thinking about promises Nick had made to me about paying me back for my providing the down payment on the farm etc. A family member or friend must think I am very stupid for agreeing to this financial arrangement ie me paying for everything. But Nick had told me that he would be able to match my down payment after he sold his house and that he would be working at his job for another 4, 5 or 6 years, or 'whatever it took' for him to pay down the mortgage on the farm so that his contribution was equal to mine. He said he would take over the mortgage and I could put all my earnings toward my retirement. As I now know, this was never his intention. he had other financial obligations which prevented him from having any disposable income, and when he sold his house, he received only $1,638 to compare to my $214,000 and as well he fell way short of matching my down payment of $90,000. And then he retired suddenly without paying down any of the mortgage. In fact, he walked into the bank one day and withdrew every penny we had paid on the mortgage and put this $31,000 on his VISA. Not exactly what was planned. Not honouring his verbal agreement. As I understand it, verbal agreements are supposed to be as binding as any other sort of agreement. Or not.
Nick also promised over and over that he would be 'working his ass off' to make improvements and clear the land etc etc and this would have increased the value of the property but instead he has done absolutely nothing and the property is in a sad state of disrepair. He won't let me get anyone out here to do anything as he says he will not permit anyone on the property, even to cut firewood or fix the fences. So what am I to do? Wait I guess, and fix up what I can. And hope that Nick decides to start a life with this Ukrainian woman and leaves me alone to pick up the pieces of mine. I wouldn't care so much if I were younger. It's not that I fell old, but my birth certificate tell me I will be 60 soon, and that most folks retire when they are 65. But I have to just about start over financially at this point. It's good thing I have never had any high expectations for my retirement years.
Friday 11 August 2017
Friday, August 11, 2017
Friday, August 11, 2017
Another beautiful summer day. I did manage to locate Nick's previous wife on the internet (previous to me that is, I know about 2 others previous to this 3rd one - he has always led me to believe I was number 3). She still lives and works in the area and I intend to contact her somehow to find out what Nick's daughter actually did do to her, that was much worse than what she threatened to do to me. This is getting good now.
The most recent documents I found state that she is entitled to 9 years of his pension and also that he gave her a lump sum payment of spousal support in May of 2011 and also that he paid her a sum of money so he could retain sole ownership of the house he was living in. \which he led me to believe was his alone and also which he told me he would likely make a profit on when he sold it to move to the farm. Of course, he made nothing on it but somewhat less than two thousand dollars, after back taxes were paid. A far cry from the two hundred and fifteen thousand I received from my home. The hole just keeps getting deeper.
There was also a comment in the papers about the TD Bank being agreeable about the mortgage situation, which leads me to think it must have been in arrears. Nick's divorce from this woman was only final in May of 2011. I had no idea any of this was going on. He was also embroiled at the same time in a legal battle with the ex-wife who is the mother of the younger two of his four children; something about her claiming that the daughter had moved in with her and she wanted to be re-imbursed for expenses during this time and also for things she had purchased for her daughter. As far as I know, this decision went in Nick's favour and he didn't have to pay anything to anybody.
When I got home from work tonight Nick was locked in the computer room and the door to the house was locked and the porch light was out so I had trouble seeing to get my key in the lock. I don't know why he does this. It's not like I am so late getting home from work that he has reason to believe I am staying somewhere else. Like I ever do that. Like I only did that once, last weekend. And I texted him to let him know.
I noticed today as I did some on-line banking that Nick still has not taken his daughter off of the insurance policy that I pay for, which he promised to do when I told him I had discovered that I was paying insurance on a Saturn that I had no idea even existed. I feel I am being generous paying his car insurance just because it happens to be together with the house insurance, and I actually would like to cancel the insurance on both cars, but I am a fair person and I realize Nick is paying for my cell phone. Which I had decided not to get as I thought they wanted way too much for the phone, but which Nick went ahead and got anyway. I do suspect he did this so I would have the same phone as he did and he would be able to access it on the sly. But the way it has worked out, I don't think he has been in my phone where there is really nothing of interest anyway, but I have been able to look into his phone which I can look around in quite quickly because it is the same as mine.
I am going to mention one more thing for the record before I turn off my computer and catch some sleep. I may have mentioned this before, but I wanted to make a note of the fact that when the tractor and the attachments we had ordered were delivered, Nick called the salesman back to tell him that there was a piece missing. I seem to remember it was a piece that was needed in order to use the auger attachment. The tractor guys asked if Nick was sure he hadn't gotten it, because they had had to have it made separately for some reason, and they knew it had been made and they knew they didn't have it. Because Nick was a new customer and was getting an expensive tractor from them, they agreed to deliver a second one.
Almost a year later, Nick told me that he had found the original piece laying in the corner of the garage and admitted he felt embarrassed that he now had two. This tells me that he perhaps actually does believe that things are missing when in fact he just doesn't know where they are. But why make up a story about a guy named Salter coming into the house and stealing stuff. It seems like a lot of trouble to go to just to avoid saying you made a mistake.
So you say you screwed up. Everyone screws up. And if someone says they don't, then I think they must be lying. But why bother to lie, last time I checked making a mistake didn't mean the death penalty.
Another beautiful summer day. I did manage to locate Nick's previous wife on the internet (previous to me that is, I know about 2 others previous to this 3rd one - he has always led me to believe I was number 3). She still lives and works in the area and I intend to contact her somehow to find out what Nick's daughter actually did do to her, that was much worse than what she threatened to do to me. This is getting good now.
The most recent documents I found state that she is entitled to 9 years of his pension and also that he gave her a lump sum payment of spousal support in May of 2011 and also that he paid her a sum of money so he could retain sole ownership of the house he was living in. \which he led me to believe was his alone and also which he told me he would likely make a profit on when he sold it to move to the farm. Of course, he made nothing on it but somewhat less than two thousand dollars, after back taxes were paid. A far cry from the two hundred and fifteen thousand I received from my home. The hole just keeps getting deeper.
There was also a comment in the papers about the TD Bank being agreeable about the mortgage situation, which leads me to think it must have been in arrears. Nick's divorce from this woman was only final in May of 2011. I had no idea any of this was going on. He was also embroiled at the same time in a legal battle with the ex-wife who is the mother of the younger two of his four children; something about her claiming that the daughter had moved in with her and she wanted to be re-imbursed for expenses during this time and also for things she had purchased for her daughter. As far as I know, this decision went in Nick's favour and he didn't have to pay anything to anybody.
When I got home from work tonight Nick was locked in the computer room and the door to the house was locked and the porch light was out so I had trouble seeing to get my key in the lock. I don't know why he does this. It's not like I am so late getting home from work that he has reason to believe I am staying somewhere else. Like I ever do that. Like I only did that once, last weekend. And I texted him to let him know.
I noticed today as I did some on-line banking that Nick still has not taken his daughter off of the insurance policy that I pay for, which he promised to do when I told him I had discovered that I was paying insurance on a Saturn that I had no idea even existed. I feel I am being generous paying his car insurance just because it happens to be together with the house insurance, and I actually would like to cancel the insurance on both cars, but I am a fair person and I realize Nick is paying for my cell phone. Which I had decided not to get as I thought they wanted way too much for the phone, but which Nick went ahead and got anyway. I do suspect he did this so I would have the same phone as he did and he would be able to access it on the sly. But the way it has worked out, I don't think he has been in my phone where there is really nothing of interest anyway, but I have been able to look into his phone which I can look around in quite quickly because it is the same as mine.
I am going to mention one more thing for the record before I turn off my computer and catch some sleep. I may have mentioned this before, but I wanted to make a note of the fact that when the tractor and the attachments we had ordered were delivered, Nick called the salesman back to tell him that there was a piece missing. I seem to remember it was a piece that was needed in order to use the auger attachment. The tractor guys asked if Nick was sure he hadn't gotten it, because they had had to have it made separately for some reason, and they knew it had been made and they knew they didn't have it. Because Nick was a new customer and was getting an expensive tractor from them, they agreed to deliver a second one.
Almost a year later, Nick told me that he had found the original piece laying in the corner of the garage and admitted he felt embarrassed that he now had two. This tells me that he perhaps actually does believe that things are missing when in fact he just doesn't know where they are. But why make up a story about a guy named Salter coming into the house and stealing stuff. It seems like a lot of trouble to go to just to avoid saying you made a mistake.
So you say you screwed up. Everyone screws up. And if someone says they don't, then I think they must be lying. But why bother to lie, last time I checked making a mistake didn't mean the death penalty.
Thursday 10 August 2017
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Thursday, August 10, 2017
A beautiful summer day. I slept in, as I usually do, as a result of Nick getting up at 430am and using the bathroom and flushing the toilet. That is something I was brought up not to do during the night, once it is agreed upon amongst members of a household. He never used to do it either, until a couple of months ago, because he knows it wakes me up. Actually, nearly everything wakes me up.
After using the bathroom, Nick will usually go downstairs to make a coffee or get a glass of water and then he will read for a an hour or two. As a result of the weather being so humid and warm, he and I have been sleeping with our bedroom doors open and so when he has the light on in his room, I keep waking up. And shortly after he quits reading and turns off the light to go back to sleep, my alarm goes off and I have to get up for the day. So on my days off, I roll over and go back to sleep until I am convinced I am well rested.
Nick and I took the lawn mower apart and I succeeded in finding the tools we needed to do this in impressive time. It was great, he described what it was I should be looking for and while he was still muttering that Salter had stolen them and they couldn't be found anywhere in the house, I would present them to him. Part of it was luck, I will admit, and part of it was because I have cleaned up the basement and the garage, so if I know what something looks like, I am getting pretty good at finding it now. If I knew my tools better, this would be even easier.
So I got the back yard done, and the second section of the front that I had started when the mower decided to quit. I also cut some of the grass by the riding arena - an area we used to keep cut but we have let grow over the last two years. I decided to cut it again to make the property look neater.
Then I had to go to meet up with the guy who bought my daughter's car, just over an hour's drive away. I was not looking forward to making this trip in the middle of my day, but I did a couple of errands on the way, and got home by 630pm. I vacuumed and started to take the skylight down to clean it, but I realized it was to large and awkward for me to do alone, and I decided to wait until my next day off to do it when I could get Nick to help me take it down. I cut myself some spinach and beet greens and green onions from the garden for lunch tomorrow at work. The first produce of 2017!
I have some cucumbers coming up and also some squash, along with corn and beans, and Nick has tomatoes that will be ready soon. We didn't plant nearly as much as we have in previous years, but we always seem to have way more than we manage to use or give away. It's so exciting and rewarding at first, but picking the produce turns into a chore by the end of the season.
When I was putting a wash in, I took another look through the court documents that concerned Nick's wife just previous to myself, the one to whom I have just learned he has been paying $500 a month support. I was looking to see if her former last name was mentioned anywhere and it was. I had googled her using the same last name as Nick because that is how she was referred to in the stuff I found initially and nothing came up in the searches I did, so I am hoping I will find something interesting now that I have another name to do a new search with. I will do it at work so it doesn't show in the history on my laptop. Of course if he reads my posts he will find out what I know but I am counting on that being like finding a needle in a haystack. Nick isn't very good at finding things.
He wasn't home when I got back from dealing with the car, and I had a nice evening with myself and my dog. As it began to get dark around 830pm, I decided to go out and bring the horses in and feed them and the calf. The horses kept running up to the gate each time they saw me outside and I knew it was past the time they usually come in for their grain and water and a small pile of hay for them to munch on. They are out in the pasture all day, so they really don't need much in the way of hay, but grain is a real treat for them. We mix it with some sweet feed, which has molasses in it, and it is the equivalent of candy for livestock. The horses also look forward to coming inside at night away from the flies that pester them all day.
Nick arrived home about 30 minutes ago, and I don't know if he checked to see if the horses were in and fed or not. He certainly didn't ask me, he went right into the computer room and started watching something on the computer. Speaking of the computer, I was looking in his notebook when he practises his Ukrainian, and he has phrases like ' I never touch her' and 'you are my only one' translated. I went into his bedroom to get the chair in there to try to reach the skylight and I noticed two T shirts on top of his suitcase that say 'MOSSAD' - the Institute of Intelligence and Special Operations. Is he trying to tell this lady that this is where he works?
A beautiful summer day. I slept in, as I usually do, as a result of Nick getting up at 430am and using the bathroom and flushing the toilet. That is something I was brought up not to do during the night, once it is agreed upon amongst members of a household. He never used to do it either, until a couple of months ago, because he knows it wakes me up. Actually, nearly everything wakes me up.
After using the bathroom, Nick will usually go downstairs to make a coffee or get a glass of water and then he will read for a an hour or two. As a result of the weather being so humid and warm, he and I have been sleeping with our bedroom doors open and so when he has the light on in his room, I keep waking up. And shortly after he quits reading and turns off the light to go back to sleep, my alarm goes off and I have to get up for the day. So on my days off, I roll over and go back to sleep until I am convinced I am well rested.
Nick and I took the lawn mower apart and I succeeded in finding the tools we needed to do this in impressive time. It was great, he described what it was I should be looking for and while he was still muttering that Salter had stolen them and they couldn't be found anywhere in the house, I would present them to him. Part of it was luck, I will admit, and part of it was because I have cleaned up the basement and the garage, so if I know what something looks like, I am getting pretty good at finding it now. If I knew my tools better, this would be even easier.
So I got the back yard done, and the second section of the front that I had started when the mower decided to quit. I also cut some of the grass by the riding arena - an area we used to keep cut but we have let grow over the last two years. I decided to cut it again to make the property look neater.
Then I had to go to meet up with the guy who bought my daughter's car, just over an hour's drive away. I was not looking forward to making this trip in the middle of my day, but I did a couple of errands on the way, and got home by 630pm. I vacuumed and started to take the skylight down to clean it, but I realized it was to large and awkward for me to do alone, and I decided to wait until my next day off to do it when I could get Nick to help me take it down. I cut myself some spinach and beet greens and green onions from the garden for lunch tomorrow at work. The first produce of 2017!
I have some cucumbers coming up and also some squash, along with corn and beans, and Nick has tomatoes that will be ready soon. We didn't plant nearly as much as we have in previous years, but we always seem to have way more than we manage to use or give away. It's so exciting and rewarding at first, but picking the produce turns into a chore by the end of the season.
When I was putting a wash in, I took another look through the court documents that concerned Nick's wife just previous to myself, the one to whom I have just learned he has been paying $500 a month support. I was looking to see if her former last name was mentioned anywhere and it was. I had googled her using the same last name as Nick because that is how she was referred to in the stuff I found initially and nothing came up in the searches I did, so I am hoping I will find something interesting now that I have another name to do a new search with. I will do it at work so it doesn't show in the history on my laptop. Of course if he reads my posts he will find out what I know but I am counting on that being like finding a needle in a haystack. Nick isn't very good at finding things.
He wasn't home when I got back from dealing with the car, and I had a nice evening with myself and my dog. As it began to get dark around 830pm, I decided to go out and bring the horses in and feed them and the calf. The horses kept running up to the gate each time they saw me outside and I knew it was past the time they usually come in for their grain and water and a small pile of hay for them to munch on. They are out in the pasture all day, so they really don't need much in the way of hay, but grain is a real treat for them. We mix it with some sweet feed, which has molasses in it, and it is the equivalent of candy for livestock. The horses also look forward to coming inside at night away from the flies that pester them all day.
Nick arrived home about 30 minutes ago, and I don't know if he checked to see if the horses were in and fed or not. He certainly didn't ask me, he went right into the computer room and started watching something on the computer. Speaking of the computer, I was looking in his notebook when he practises his Ukrainian, and he has phrases like ' I never touch her' and 'you are my only one' translated. I went into his bedroom to get the chair in there to try to reach the skylight and I noticed two T shirts on top of his suitcase that say 'MOSSAD' - the Institute of Intelligence and Special Operations. Is he trying to tell this lady that this is where he works?
Wednesday 9 August 2017
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
I feel a mix of exhilaration and frustration as I type tonight. I am filled with hope about the great things I know are to come as I break free from this toxic relationship and gain control of my own life again but I feel frustrated that there are restraints on what I can and cannot accomplish in a day or a week. Take for example tomorrow....I need to cut the grass but the mower needs to be fixed and Nick hasn't bothered to look at it yet. I ran over a pile of dirt he had dumped on the front lawn while plowing last winter and because it has been so dry, it stopped the mower blade and I wasn't able to re-start the thing. That was Monday. Tomorrow is Thursday and the grass is getting long. I am not off again until Sunday and who knows what the weather will be like. And then I tell myself 'it's just grass!!!'. The guy I had sold my daughter's car to (the car whose transmission gave up the ghost) called me today and he would like me to pick up the payment for the car tomorrow when he gets off of work around 4pm, which is over an hour's drive from here for me. And over an hour's drive back again, obviously. My point is that this will seriously cut into any productivity I may be able to muster. I always look forward to my days off and how much I will get done. But it never works out that way. First of all, I sleep in too late. Getting up around 9 is pretty usual for me and anytime before that is early. I remember that I used to get annoyed that stores and things didn't open until 8 or 9am when I was younger, but all of that has changed now. I guess I just need more sleep. I would never have been up after 1030pm 10 years ago either. But here it is 11pm.
I have been listening to all of the voice recordings I have made with my cell phone of conversations between Nick and myself. More often than not, these are actually just recordings of him yelling at me as I try to interject some words of defense or to question the validity of the accusations. I came to the one recording of March 3 of this year, when I am asking Nick about the $31,000 he has withdrawn from our mortgage to pay off his credit card, and his daughter is here but I have just arrived home from work and I am so pissed about this (and I have known for over a week about it but I didn't confront Nick with it until I had verified with the bank) and so I inadvertently draw her into the argument because I am not willing to postpone the showdown until a more convenient time, a more convenient time for Nick that is.
I had listened to this recording a number of times and I was tempted not to listen to it one more time, but for some reason I decided to play it anyway. There is a part in the argument when Nick's daughter threatens me and Nick tells her to stop. She says no, she won't, that she is serious about her threats, and then she says to her father 'I have done much worse than that before - remember what I did to Jane?'. Well I heard that sentence before but I didn't know who Jane was, and actually I didn't even identify the name she was saying as Jane. I thought she was talking about a friend of hers who she had had a falling out with. But she was talking about Nick's previous 'wife' Jane, the one he was paying the $500 a month support payment to. That I had just found out about a few days ago.
Very interesting, eh? So now I have to find what she did to Jane. I would love to locate this person and speak with her. Maybe there was a report filed by Jane with the police, if the 'thing she did' was serious enough. I intend to find out.
I feel a mix of exhilaration and frustration as I type tonight. I am filled with hope about the great things I know are to come as I break free from this toxic relationship and gain control of my own life again but I feel frustrated that there are restraints on what I can and cannot accomplish in a day or a week. Take for example tomorrow....I need to cut the grass but the mower needs to be fixed and Nick hasn't bothered to look at it yet. I ran over a pile of dirt he had dumped on the front lawn while plowing last winter and because it has been so dry, it stopped the mower blade and I wasn't able to re-start the thing. That was Monday. Tomorrow is Thursday and the grass is getting long. I am not off again until Sunday and who knows what the weather will be like. And then I tell myself 'it's just grass!!!'. The guy I had sold my daughter's car to (the car whose transmission gave up the ghost) called me today and he would like me to pick up the payment for the car tomorrow when he gets off of work around 4pm, which is over an hour's drive from here for me. And over an hour's drive back again, obviously. My point is that this will seriously cut into any productivity I may be able to muster. I always look forward to my days off and how much I will get done. But it never works out that way. First of all, I sleep in too late. Getting up around 9 is pretty usual for me and anytime before that is early. I remember that I used to get annoyed that stores and things didn't open until 8 or 9am when I was younger, but all of that has changed now. I guess I just need more sleep. I would never have been up after 1030pm 10 years ago either. But here it is 11pm.
I have been listening to all of the voice recordings I have made with my cell phone of conversations between Nick and myself. More often than not, these are actually just recordings of him yelling at me as I try to interject some words of defense or to question the validity of the accusations. I came to the one recording of March 3 of this year, when I am asking Nick about the $31,000 he has withdrawn from our mortgage to pay off his credit card, and his daughter is here but I have just arrived home from work and I am so pissed about this (and I have known for over a week about it but I didn't confront Nick with it until I had verified with the bank) and so I inadvertently draw her into the argument because I am not willing to postpone the showdown until a more convenient time, a more convenient time for Nick that is.
I had listened to this recording a number of times and I was tempted not to listen to it one more time, but for some reason I decided to play it anyway. There is a part in the argument when Nick's daughter threatens me and Nick tells her to stop. She says no, she won't, that she is serious about her threats, and then she says to her father 'I have done much worse than that before - remember what I did to Jane?'. Well I heard that sentence before but I didn't know who Jane was, and actually I didn't even identify the name she was saying as Jane. I thought she was talking about a friend of hers who she had had a falling out with. But she was talking about Nick's previous 'wife' Jane, the one he was paying the $500 a month support payment to. That I had just found out about a few days ago.
Very interesting, eh? So now I have to find what she did to Jane. I would love to locate this person and speak with her. Maybe there was a report filed by Jane with the police, if the 'thing she did' was serious enough. I intend to find out.
Monday 7 August 2017
Monday, August 7, 2017
Monday, August 7, 2017
I spent most of the weekend with my daughter and enjoyed a much needed rest from the charades all day every day and night with Nick. After work on Saturday she and I went to dinner at our favorite little spot and on Sunday I brought some pizza home with me. I got to watch some TV which is a treat for me as we no longer get cable at the farm. Monday I was off and because it was a holiday here, my daughter was as well and we planted the hydrangea and asters and lupines and hostas I had in pots for her.
I turned off my phone when I went to bed as I usually do and when I looked at it this morning, Nick had texted me 5 or 6 times demanding to know where his deodorants and his cologne were. The texts were sent at 5am! They had been in the cabinet in the ensuite bathroom which he took down to wallpaper but which he hasn't put back up yet. So when I tidied up the bedroom the other day, I put all that stuff in the main bathroom, in the closet. I showed him where I had put the stuff, along with his shaving gear and everything else that was in that cabinet.
I spent most of the weekend with my daughter and enjoyed a much needed rest from the charades all day every day and night with Nick. After work on Saturday she and I went to dinner at our favorite little spot and on Sunday I brought some pizza home with me. I got to watch some TV which is a treat for me as we no longer get cable at the farm. Monday I was off and because it was a holiday here, my daughter was as well and we planted the hydrangea and asters and lupines and hostas I had in pots for her.
I turned off my phone when I went to bed as I usually do and when I looked at it this morning, Nick had texted me 5 or 6 times demanding to know where his deodorants and his cologne were. The texts were sent at 5am! They had been in the cabinet in the ensuite bathroom which he took down to wallpaper but which he hasn't put back up yet. So when I tidied up the bedroom the other day, I put all that stuff in the main bathroom, in the closet. I showed him where I had put the stuff, along with his shaving gear and everything else that was in that cabinet.
When I got home this evening it was indeed obvious that he had gone through every drawer in the house. At 5am in the morning. He had pulled out all the drawers of his dresser and night table and had left the contents all over the bed and had left most of the drawers out on the chairs as well as on the bed and the ones that were still in the dresser were still halfway open with the stuff spilling out of them.
Nick also threw a tantrum tonight as he was unloading the dishwasher. He was taking the silverware out of its tray and something was caught, so he banged the whole thing 3 or 4 times against the counter. I was very surprised that nothing was smashed. He was so violent it about it I just stood there and held my breath.
I vacuumed and mopped the floors and generally tidied the place up...cleaned the bathrooms and wiped the stove and fridge and kitchen counters and table, and dusted in the bedrooms and hallway.
Nick was in a terrible mood, he just banged things around all night and slammed the door to his bedroom a couple of times. I showed him where his toiletries had been all along and I don't think he was too pleased about the simplicity of the whole episode. Just like the other day when he couldn't find the roofing sealant. He just hadn't looked in the place he had put it. He texted me that it had 'magically re-appeared'. His words exactly.
Friday 4 August 2017
Friday, August 4, 2017
Friday, August 4, 2017
Just a short post tonight. I worked all day and I am feeling tired. I was off yesterday and didn't get as much accomplished as I had hoped. I got up at a decent hour - which for me is about 9am - and then I tidied up my bedroom and put absolutely everything away so it is rather immaculate, if I may say so myself - and after that I tried to get up the energy to go out and cut the grass. I plan to go to my daughter's tomorrow night after work and then go to work from there Sunday morning and stay again Sunday night and for my day off Monday, so I figured I should get the grass done as the next chance I had might not be until next Thursday, unless I planned to get back from my daughter's early enough on Monday to do it then. I ended up discussing a few things with Nick which included my other daughter's car that had been towed to his buddy's place and which one of his employees had offered to buy from me. About four months ago. So Nick made a call and it turned out that the transmission he had bought was not the right one and the guy had had to buy another one out of pocket as the company who sold Nick the original one had refused to take it back. So Nick will take the original back and get a refund and I will pay the guy for the one he had to buy and then he can pay me the negotiated price.
The company I had rented the dumpster from had not picked up the bbq and tvs I had left beside it. They had picked up the dumpster and I had paid them for it but they had promised to take the other stuff because I had asked specifically about it at the beginning. I sent the guy an email, but after 4 days I had no reply. Nick had been the one who had carried the tvs outside and wasn't happy with the idea of bringing them back into the basement, so he called the guy and they were picked up within about 3 or 4 hours. At least they are gone.
So I went out to cut the grass and I was more than half-way through and I was mowing over a pile of gravel Nick had left behind with the tractor while moving snow and the lawn mower ground to a stop and Nick discovered the belt needed to be replaced when he looked at it after it refused to start back up for me. I decided to get the whipper snipper out. Which took me about half an hour to get the plastic cord put on properly and I was only able to work for about 20 minutes before it became all tangled. I re-wound it and cut a bit more but when it frigged up for the second time I called it a day with doing the lawn. I was covered with bits of grass and weeds, and it was hot and humid and everything was sticking to everything else. I tried to clean myself up with a facecloth and towel but ended up jumping into the shower instead.
I started cleaning out the 2nd living room which we have only used as a gym which is a sin because it is a beautiful room with a floor to ceiling fireplace and the entire room is 2 stories high, with wooden beams in the ceiling. I have been busy at work because two main staff are off on holidays and although I am totally enjoying the results of cleaning and tidying the entire house, it is starting to take its toll I guess. I had a terrible time digging up the energy to do stuff on Thursday. I did spend some time working in the garden and doing some weeding which always relaxes and invigorates me. Just to see things growing makes me happy. And the garden is such a rewarding place in the middle of the summer.
Nick has been pestering me that he can't find his gun paperwork - his permits and course information. I did see it when I was sorting through things, so when I was downstairs putting a wash in, I decided to look through a box of papers I had set aside for him to go through. I actually had set aside 6 or 7 boxes for him to sort through, but all of them still sit there, untouched. Anyway, as I was looking for the gun stuff, I ran across a court document in which Nick is ordered to pay the girlfriend before me $500 per month and to maintain her on his drug plan from his work for as long as she is eligible. I knew he had been in a relationship with this woman before me but I had no idea he was still supporting her. He led me to believe she was just a previous girlfriend and although he has never called her by name, I know who she is because her name came up when he was adding me onto a Costco membership and my name was replacing hers - the cashier making the change asked if her name was being removed. It makes me wonder who else he may be supporting. It also explains where some of his monthly income is disappearing.
He doesn't know that I know and I am going to keep it that way. I will keep that information as ammunition if and when the financial disclosure ever appears. At least now I have a better idea of what should be divulged.
Nick was attempting to re-seal the barn roof yesterday and he was yelling at me because he couldn't find the second tub of sealant he had bought. He texted me at work today to tell me he wasn't going to finish the roof and it could just leak, because the sealant had been stolen by Salter. I knew it hadn't been stolen of course, and I knew it had to be in the barn somewhere because I knew it wasn't in the garage or the basement. He texted me around supper time to tell me 'it had magically appeared in the storage room in the barn'. Too late for him to finish the roof today, unfortunately. And tomorrow being his Sabbath, it won't get dome tomorrow either. Maybe it will be done by the time I return home from my daughter's. But I won't cross my fingers or hold my breath.
Just a short post tonight. I worked all day and I am feeling tired. I was off yesterday and didn't get as much accomplished as I had hoped. I got up at a decent hour - which for me is about 9am - and then I tidied up my bedroom and put absolutely everything away so it is rather immaculate, if I may say so myself - and after that I tried to get up the energy to go out and cut the grass. I plan to go to my daughter's tomorrow night after work and then go to work from there Sunday morning and stay again Sunday night and for my day off Monday, so I figured I should get the grass done as the next chance I had might not be until next Thursday, unless I planned to get back from my daughter's early enough on Monday to do it then. I ended up discussing a few things with Nick which included my other daughter's car that had been towed to his buddy's place and which one of his employees had offered to buy from me. About four months ago. So Nick made a call and it turned out that the transmission he had bought was not the right one and the guy had had to buy another one out of pocket as the company who sold Nick the original one had refused to take it back. So Nick will take the original back and get a refund and I will pay the guy for the one he had to buy and then he can pay me the negotiated price.
The company I had rented the dumpster from had not picked up the bbq and tvs I had left beside it. They had picked up the dumpster and I had paid them for it but they had promised to take the other stuff because I had asked specifically about it at the beginning. I sent the guy an email, but after 4 days I had no reply. Nick had been the one who had carried the tvs outside and wasn't happy with the idea of bringing them back into the basement, so he called the guy and they were picked up within about 3 or 4 hours. At least they are gone.
So I went out to cut the grass and I was more than half-way through and I was mowing over a pile of gravel Nick had left behind with the tractor while moving snow and the lawn mower ground to a stop and Nick discovered the belt needed to be replaced when he looked at it after it refused to start back up for me. I decided to get the whipper snipper out. Which took me about half an hour to get the plastic cord put on properly and I was only able to work for about 20 minutes before it became all tangled. I re-wound it and cut a bit more but when it frigged up for the second time I called it a day with doing the lawn. I was covered with bits of grass and weeds, and it was hot and humid and everything was sticking to everything else. I tried to clean myself up with a facecloth and towel but ended up jumping into the shower instead.
I started cleaning out the 2nd living room which we have only used as a gym which is a sin because it is a beautiful room with a floor to ceiling fireplace and the entire room is 2 stories high, with wooden beams in the ceiling. I have been busy at work because two main staff are off on holidays and although I am totally enjoying the results of cleaning and tidying the entire house, it is starting to take its toll I guess. I had a terrible time digging up the energy to do stuff on Thursday. I did spend some time working in the garden and doing some weeding which always relaxes and invigorates me. Just to see things growing makes me happy. And the garden is such a rewarding place in the middle of the summer.
Nick has been pestering me that he can't find his gun paperwork - his permits and course information. I did see it when I was sorting through things, so when I was downstairs putting a wash in, I decided to look through a box of papers I had set aside for him to go through. I actually had set aside 6 or 7 boxes for him to sort through, but all of them still sit there, untouched. Anyway, as I was looking for the gun stuff, I ran across a court document in which Nick is ordered to pay the girlfriend before me $500 per month and to maintain her on his drug plan from his work for as long as she is eligible. I knew he had been in a relationship with this woman before me but I had no idea he was still supporting her. He led me to believe she was just a previous girlfriend and although he has never called her by name, I know who she is because her name came up when he was adding me onto a Costco membership and my name was replacing hers - the cashier making the change asked if her name was being removed. It makes me wonder who else he may be supporting. It also explains where some of his monthly income is disappearing.
He doesn't know that I know and I am going to keep it that way. I will keep that information as ammunition if and when the financial disclosure ever appears. At least now I have a better idea of what should be divulged.
Nick was attempting to re-seal the barn roof yesterday and he was yelling at me because he couldn't find the second tub of sealant he had bought. He texted me at work today to tell me he wasn't going to finish the roof and it could just leak, because the sealant had been stolen by Salter. I knew it hadn't been stolen of course, and I knew it had to be in the barn somewhere because I knew it wasn't in the garage or the basement. He texted me around supper time to tell me 'it had magically appeared in the storage room in the barn'. Too late for him to finish the roof today, unfortunately. And tomorrow being his Sabbath, it won't get dome tomorrow either. Maybe it will be done by the time I return home from my daughter's. But I won't cross my fingers or hold my breath.
Wednesday 2 August 2017
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
It is 10:30pm and I am starting to calm down. I have finished a glass of wine and poured a second. I am off tomorrow.
I got home from work about an hour ago and Nick was out. I had asked him several times to make or dig up a key for the real estate agent to put in the lock box for showings but he didn't bother and so I had to give her my key when she came out to the farm to leave the box on the door. He also promised then to make me another key. Which he didn't. And I was reminded of that tonight when I realized I did not have a key to get into the house. I called Nick several times but I am sue he just looked at the number and muted the call, so I texted him and asked him where he was and he said he was on his way home. Which he always says - even if I am with him and we are no where close to where we are supposed to be, he will say we are almost there - so I know exactly what on his way means - absolutely nothing. I asked him where he was instead and he told me exit 2A which is about 35 minutes away. I was rather pissed.
I walked around the house and tried all the doors and some of the easiest windows to access, but all were locked. I knew I could get inside through the sliding deck door off my daughter's bedroom but this would entail putting a ladder up to the second floor verandah at the back of the house. I don't like climbing ladders but I had done a fair bit lately while painting the barn and I had also climbed up onto the roof of the barn the day before yesterday to take pictures of the leaky roof and the can of sealant that had been up there for two years now. So I felt I was probably capable of getting up and onto the deck between the two bedrooms.
I found the ladder up against the barn and I managed to get into the house. Then I put the ladder back where I found it so Nick wouldn't immediately know how I had broken in. I hear him downstairs now but he hasn't spoken to me yet. I have my cell phone ready to tape the conversation if it turns into an argument, which it usually does.
He is getting so paranoid lately. I mean, he has been for a long time but now he is telling me that someone is using our internet and that they somehow know our password. I don't even know the password so I don't know how I would be able to give it to someone. But Nick just keeps insisting that the internet company tells him that our connection is slow because someone else is logging on.
He puts a wooden block behind his rear car tire so he will know if someone has driven his car. He locks the door to the bedroom where the computer is so only he can get in there. I don't know the password to get into his computer anymore. And I can hear him down in the kitchen at the moment unlocking the cupboard where he keeps his turmeric and honey and olive oil and I'm not sure what else. Pretty valuable stuff I guess.
He took my old phonograph the other day and he said he did it so I would know how it feels like to have your belongings stolen. You know, if I were taking his stuff I could see that making sense, but just because he can't find something doesn't mean it is stolen. But in his mind, that is the logical explanation. If he can't find it then it must not be there. No chance he has left it lying around somewhere. Not like he left his chainsaw in the bucket of the tractor and forgot it there until he used the bucket again. I have to keep reminding myself that I can't reason with him. If he says something is so, then it has to be that way. Because he said so and he is always right.
The house is always such a mess. I try to keep it tidy but he is such a slob. The female dog is in heat and she is spotting everywhere. The carpet in Nick's room was quite gross with spots which I cleaned up but he has let her back in there and the carpet is filthy again. She has also been allowed on his bed and the sheets have a bunch of large blood stains on them. They are gross to look at if you know they are from a dog, but they are absolutely disgusting if you don't know that and think they are from a human. Because Nick never makes his bed, they are out in plain view of anyone who walks into the room. Of course I will wash the sheets and clean the carpet again, but I am going to wait until the dog is finished her cycle.
It is 10:30pm and I am starting to calm down. I have finished a glass of wine and poured a second. I am off tomorrow.
I got home from work about an hour ago and Nick was out. I had asked him several times to make or dig up a key for the real estate agent to put in the lock box for showings but he didn't bother and so I had to give her my key when she came out to the farm to leave the box on the door. He also promised then to make me another key. Which he didn't. And I was reminded of that tonight when I realized I did not have a key to get into the house. I called Nick several times but I am sue he just looked at the number and muted the call, so I texted him and asked him where he was and he said he was on his way home. Which he always says - even if I am with him and we are no where close to where we are supposed to be, he will say we are almost there - so I know exactly what on his way means - absolutely nothing. I asked him where he was instead and he told me exit 2A which is about 35 minutes away. I was rather pissed.
I walked around the house and tried all the doors and some of the easiest windows to access, but all were locked. I knew I could get inside through the sliding deck door off my daughter's bedroom but this would entail putting a ladder up to the second floor verandah at the back of the house. I don't like climbing ladders but I had done a fair bit lately while painting the barn and I had also climbed up onto the roof of the barn the day before yesterday to take pictures of the leaky roof and the can of sealant that had been up there for two years now. So I felt I was probably capable of getting up and onto the deck between the two bedrooms.
I found the ladder up against the barn and I managed to get into the house. Then I put the ladder back where I found it so Nick wouldn't immediately know how I had broken in. I hear him downstairs now but he hasn't spoken to me yet. I have my cell phone ready to tape the conversation if it turns into an argument, which it usually does.
He is getting so paranoid lately. I mean, he has been for a long time but now he is telling me that someone is using our internet and that they somehow know our password. I don't even know the password so I don't know how I would be able to give it to someone. But Nick just keeps insisting that the internet company tells him that our connection is slow because someone else is logging on.
He puts a wooden block behind his rear car tire so he will know if someone has driven his car. He locks the door to the bedroom where the computer is so only he can get in there. I don't know the password to get into his computer anymore. And I can hear him down in the kitchen at the moment unlocking the cupboard where he keeps his turmeric and honey and olive oil and I'm not sure what else. Pretty valuable stuff I guess.
He took my old phonograph the other day and he said he did it so I would know how it feels like to have your belongings stolen. You know, if I were taking his stuff I could see that making sense, but just because he can't find something doesn't mean it is stolen. But in his mind, that is the logical explanation. If he can't find it then it must not be there. No chance he has left it lying around somewhere. Not like he left his chainsaw in the bucket of the tractor and forgot it there until he used the bucket again. I have to keep reminding myself that I can't reason with him. If he says something is so, then it has to be that way. Because he said so and he is always right.
The house is always such a mess. I try to keep it tidy but he is such a slob. The female dog is in heat and she is spotting everywhere. The carpet in Nick's room was quite gross with spots which I cleaned up but he has let her back in there and the carpet is filthy again. She has also been allowed on his bed and the sheets have a bunch of large blood stains on them. They are gross to look at if you know they are from a dog, but they are absolutely disgusting if you don't know that and think they are from a human. Because Nick never makes his bed, they are out in plain view of anyone who walks into the room. Of course I will wash the sheets and clean the carpet again, but I am going to wait until the dog is finished her cycle.
Monday 31 July 2017
Monday, July 31, 2017
Monday, July 31/2017
I am sitting outside on the back verandah after an absolutely perfect summer day. At the moment the sun is just about to dip below the trees and the hummingbirds are out and about for their evening snack. They zoom around and sound like huge bumble bees. The sound always reminds me of the movie 'Jumanji'.
I managed to tidy the yard a bit by dragging some of the discarded wood and boards and broken fence pieces and I piled them in back of the barn. I don't know why that stuff has to be tossed in the front yard anyway. Just easier I guess. Nick set the small pile I had gathered on fire after much discussion about where the fire should be located and what should be burned. All after I had it piled in a different place of course.
The night before last I had a an awful experience. I had been asleep for an hour or so when I heard one of the dogs bark like she needed to go outside in a hurry. So I got up to let her out and I noticed that Nick didn't seem to be inside the house. He wasn't in his bedroom or the computer room and I began to wonder where he had gone and what was going on. Did he plan to set the house on fire? Or was it planned that someone would break into the house and I would be murdered as part of a botched robbery? I was immediately wide awake and my brain was considering my options. As I had planned before I put a T-shirt on and a pair of shorts as well as my shoes and I shoved my computer and chargers into the carrying case and grabbed my cell phone. I put my car keys into my pocket and picked up my purse as well. I went down the back staircase and as I switched on the outside light the power went out. I instinctively knew it was because the dehumidifier must be on the same circuit as the light and the breaker in the fuse box must have switched the power off but at the same time I became extremely spooked. I checked that the door was locked and then went around the house locking all the doors and turning all the outside lights on. Would you believe that there are nine doors? Four bedrooms and the living room have sliding doors out onto decks and then there is the front door, the back door, the side door and the basement door. Great in case of a fire I guess.
With my surroundings now about as secure as I was going to make them, I began to wonder what I was going to do next. I had to find a way to get some sleep. I had to work the next day. I knew there was no way I could relax enough to get any sleep inside the house. I thought I might have to take a pillow and a blanket and drive the car somewhere close yet safe and public and spend the rest of the night in the car.
I had just decided this was what I was going to do and Nick started banging on the back door. I let him in and he commented that all the outside lights were on. I told him about the power being off to the back of the house and he went into the garage and threw the breaker. He brushed his teeth and went to bed so I figured it was safe for me to do the same. Go to bed that is. By this time it was about 1:30am.
When I got up in the morning and hopped in the shower there was no hot water. I wondered if this might be because the power had gone out but I was pretty sure I was right about the circuit being overloaded by the dehumidifier and the lights. Maybe Nick was trying to make things so uncomfortable for me that I would decide to go and stay at my sister's place again. The shower was not hot but not all that cold and I didn't say anything about it when I came downstairs. I wanted to see if and how Nick might mention it to me. He actually asked me how long of shower I had taken and I replied 'not very long'. So then he asked if I had had any hot water and I said no. As it turned out the thermostat on the hot water tank needed to be replaced. I still don't know where Nick went the night before or why he left the house when it was so late. Thinking about it now, maybe he went outside to make a phone call.
Nick put his cell phone out in plain view today and left it unlocked on purpose hoping I would pick it up and start looking through it. So he could catch me at it I suppose. He put his phone on top of a plastic cup with the charger attached to it. I took a picture and I must remember to come back and include it here. I tried to transfer my photos from my phone to my computer yesterday but something wasn't working properly. I am very frustrated by how difficult it is to do that simple task.
Of course I didn't touch his phone. And I noticed afterwards that he had also set his car keys on the counter beside his phone. How ridiculous of him to think I wouldn't know he had this on purpose. He does somehow know that I tried to access his phone the other night - he told me his phone records if this happens - but I wonder why he didn't mention this to me on other occasions because I have done this a number of times before. I wonder if he knows that I was able to get into his phone the other day when we were hanging the mirror.
And what is he planning to do if he catches me in his phone or in his car? What am I supposed to be trying to find out? And why would I really care if he is seeing someone else? I guess he wants me to be jealous and show in some way that it upsets me or that I care about there being another woman. Of course it actually is to my advantage that he is in a relationship. I am hoping that this woman's motivation in hooking up with Nick is to get married and come to Canada.
As far as he has ever admitted to me he was in Frankfurt on business. But I can't spend too much time or effort wondering about what his motives are or what he is thinking. I have to remind myself that his mind is not a logical one and that it is full of suspicion and paranoia and guilt as well as delusion.
I am sitting outside on the back verandah after an absolutely perfect summer day. At the moment the sun is just about to dip below the trees and the hummingbirds are out and about for their evening snack. They zoom around and sound like huge bumble bees. The sound always reminds me of the movie 'Jumanji'.
I managed to tidy the yard a bit by dragging some of the discarded wood and boards and broken fence pieces and I piled them in back of the barn. I don't know why that stuff has to be tossed in the front yard anyway. Just easier I guess. Nick set the small pile I had gathered on fire after much discussion about where the fire should be located and what should be burned. All after I had it piled in a different place of course.
The night before last I had a an awful experience. I had been asleep for an hour or so when I heard one of the dogs bark like she needed to go outside in a hurry. So I got up to let her out and I noticed that Nick didn't seem to be inside the house. He wasn't in his bedroom or the computer room and I began to wonder where he had gone and what was going on. Did he plan to set the house on fire? Or was it planned that someone would break into the house and I would be murdered as part of a botched robbery? I was immediately wide awake and my brain was considering my options. As I had planned before I put a T-shirt on and a pair of shorts as well as my shoes and I shoved my computer and chargers into the carrying case and grabbed my cell phone. I put my car keys into my pocket and picked up my purse as well. I went down the back staircase and as I switched on the outside light the power went out. I instinctively knew it was because the dehumidifier must be on the same circuit as the light and the breaker in the fuse box must have switched the power off but at the same time I became extremely spooked. I checked that the door was locked and then went around the house locking all the doors and turning all the outside lights on. Would you believe that there are nine doors? Four bedrooms and the living room have sliding doors out onto decks and then there is the front door, the back door, the side door and the basement door. Great in case of a fire I guess.
With my surroundings now about as secure as I was going to make them, I began to wonder what I was going to do next. I had to find a way to get some sleep. I had to work the next day. I knew there was no way I could relax enough to get any sleep inside the house. I thought I might have to take a pillow and a blanket and drive the car somewhere close yet safe and public and spend the rest of the night in the car.
I had just decided this was what I was going to do and Nick started banging on the back door. I let him in and he commented that all the outside lights were on. I told him about the power being off to the back of the house and he went into the garage and threw the breaker. He brushed his teeth and went to bed so I figured it was safe for me to do the same. Go to bed that is. By this time it was about 1:30am.
When I got up in the morning and hopped in the shower there was no hot water. I wondered if this might be because the power had gone out but I was pretty sure I was right about the circuit being overloaded by the dehumidifier and the lights. Maybe Nick was trying to make things so uncomfortable for me that I would decide to go and stay at my sister's place again. The shower was not hot but not all that cold and I didn't say anything about it when I came downstairs. I wanted to see if and how Nick might mention it to me. He actually asked me how long of shower I had taken and I replied 'not very long'. So then he asked if I had had any hot water and I said no. As it turned out the thermostat on the hot water tank needed to be replaced. I still don't know where Nick went the night before or why he left the house when it was so late. Thinking about it now, maybe he went outside to make a phone call.
Nick put his cell phone out in plain view today and left it unlocked on purpose hoping I would pick it up and start looking through it. So he could catch me at it I suppose. He put his phone on top of a plastic cup with the charger attached to it. I took a picture and I must remember to come back and include it here. I tried to transfer my photos from my phone to my computer yesterday but something wasn't working properly. I am very frustrated by how difficult it is to do that simple task.
Of course I didn't touch his phone. And I noticed afterwards that he had also set his car keys on the counter beside his phone. How ridiculous of him to think I wouldn't know he had this on purpose. He does somehow know that I tried to access his phone the other night - he told me his phone records if this happens - but I wonder why he didn't mention this to me on other occasions because I have done this a number of times before. I wonder if he knows that I was able to get into his phone the other day when we were hanging the mirror.
And what is he planning to do if he catches me in his phone or in his car? What am I supposed to be trying to find out? And why would I really care if he is seeing someone else? I guess he wants me to be jealous and show in some way that it upsets me or that I care about there being another woman. Of course it actually is to my advantage that he is in a relationship. I am hoping that this woman's motivation in hooking up with Nick is to get married and come to Canada.
As far as he has ever admitted to me he was in Frankfurt on business. But I can't spend too much time or effort wondering about what his motives are or what he is thinking. I have to remind myself that his mind is not a logical one and that it is full of suspicion and paranoia and guilt as well as delusion.
Saturday 29 July 2017
Saturday, July 29, 2017
Saturday, July 29, 2017
I worked today and then I cut the grass when I got home. Nice summer day, it was super to be able to be outside until 8:30 or so. My raspberry bushes that I planted two years ago are loaded with berries and this is making me happy! I am sad to have to leave them behind when the farm sells and I
move away but I will plant more at my next home. Same with everything else that is growing and blooming in my gardens at the moment - I have taken pieces of just about everything I have here and have made transplants for my sister's and my daughter's properties. Some of the hostas that my sister has came from my father's garden. My mom gave them to her after my dad died and mom sold the family home and I am glad to have been able to take pieces from those from my sister and started them here. I have given several to friends as well.
When I came into the kitchen after arriving home from work I noticed that Nick had been shopping and there was a bag on the chair with several little scribblers in it, the kind he uses to practice his Ukrainian. There was also 4 or 5 toothbrushes in the bag as well. This still makes me laugh as I type about it. Who needs to buy that many toothbrushes at once when it's not Christmas?
Then I noticed that his wallet was sitting in plain view on top of the safe beside the chair. My first thought was to pick it up and go through it but then I remembered he had accused me before I left for work this morning of trying to unlock his phone last night. Which I did do but I lied and told him I hadn't. He said his phone notifies him when someone tries to do this and I don't know whether to believe him or not. Maybe it does or maybe he thinks he saw me on camera or heard me on video. His stupid phone makes those media sounds for everything. I know for sure I am not going to try it again. I will just check to make sure it is locked and if it is I will leave it alone. Maybe I will get lucky again and find it unlocked like I did the other day.
So I didn't pick up his wallet. I washed out my lunch containers and noticed his phone sitting on the counter which I knew better than to touch, but the set of keys he carries in his pocket all the time was sitting on the counter as well, right beside his phone in plain view. He should have written a little note saying 'pick me up and open the locked cupboard or the computer room'. I am actually surprised how stupid he must think I am. If he had just left the keys out I might have thought he had done it by mistake and he might have been able to catch me snooping into his cupboard. And really, what's wrong with that? Why does he feel he has to lock a cupboard in the kitchen? Well I know it is to prevent Salter from stealing from him, but so what if I find out what is in there? There is something so distorted with his logic.
I was thinking yesterday about the text message from his daughter talking about going to the gun range and I remembered that he had this big pistol out the other day and he was oiling it or whatever you do to those things. He was spinning the barrel (I think that's what it is called), the place where you put the bullets and then putting some more lube stuff on and spinning it again. He was doing this in a rather sinister fashion and he made completely sure to put it right in front of me so I could not miss or mistake what he was doing. He cracked the barrel open several times and then spun it and repeated this while he followed me around. We were having a conversation about something but I don't remember what it was about because the gun made such an impression on me. It was like I was in a movie and he was going to suddenly put it to my head and ask me if I was feeling lucky.
He has been yelling about Salter more lately than he had been and he has been swearing in frustration or whatever as he reads text messages and/or emails. I even made a comment about it this evening because he was sitting at the computer, reading emails I think and he started to chuckle as if he was finding something amusing and then he immediately spewed a long list of swear words - his usual compilation. I have to wonder what this is all about. He told me the other day that he is definitely going to 'get' Salter even if he has to go to jail for it. The only reason he would say this to me is to intimidate me and hope to frighten me, maybe into leaving and going to stay with my sister again. He must know that there is no person named Salter and he must know he is making this all up. I have asked Nick many, many, many times why he is making these stories up and he insists that he isn't and is adamant I am the liar. And I have also said to him that he must know that I know he is making this stuff up because I really do know the truth. It's not like he can put any doubt into my mind that I might be actually really having a affair with a guy named Salter. Of course I would know if I was or if I wasn't. It's almost like telling me there is a monster in the closet. We both know it isn't so. But I really have to wonder if he is able to distinguish what is real from what he is trying to tell himself is real. Maybe he is telling himself things to protect himself from the truth about what is really going on. He knows he is squandering large amounts of money that he can't afford to spend on steroids or supplements to stay young but he can't stop his addiction to this so he fabricates a story to deflect the blame away from himself to relieve his guilt about not being strong enough to resist his compulsion or gain control over his behavior. It almost makes sense.
He knows that is totally illogical for him to casually discard this life that I have provided for him - the dream existence of living on this beautiful property with the horses and raising our own food while enjoying the true wonders of nature and living so close to it all - from the hummingbirds who return each May to nest right outside the back door to the garter snakes that live in the rock garden and the deer who show off their fawns on September evenings. So he has created a scenario that totally makes him the victim, that I am having a romantic relationship with someone who is stealing things which is causing Nick to spend money to replace which absolves him of any wrong doing in regards to his own infidelity and his lack of financial responsibility.
Everything that is wrong with anything on the farm is always directly Salter's fault. It took me awhile to realize that everything is connected to this. I was puzzled for a long time about why Nick kept saying that Salter had been seen by our neighbour removing and raking sand in our riding arena. This totally made absolutely no sense to me. What a ridiculous thing for anyone to do! Then I realized that Nick knew that keeping our stallion up there instead of putting electric fencing in place around a section of our pasture was ruining the integrity of the layers of sand etc of the arena which were specifically created to give good footing and good drainage. The horse would pace back and forth over the same length of fence thus packing this down and forcing the top layer of sand to displace. Which I guess would give the same effect as if someone had taken the sand away. So of course, it is not Nick's fault that the thousands of dollars spent by the previous owners to construct a quality riding arena have been wasted - not by him being too lazy to create a suitable enclosure for the stallion - oh no, it was Salter's fault because he stole the sand. And my fault by association, if not more directly by giving permission. This is just one example of many things that have been ruined by neglect or carelessness.
It is also how Nick avoids responsibility for not picking up his tools after he uses them. If he can't find them, then of course, they were stolen. He avoids the guilt and the label of lazy from not performing routine maintenance by claiming that he doesn't have the tools necessary to do the job. Nothing is his fault. He takes no responsibility whatsoever for anything. There is always someone else to blame. What a huge amount of guilt he must be carrying around that he has to do this to avoid having to accept any more. I have to wonder what this burden is and where it might have come from.
I worked today and then I cut the grass when I got home. Nice summer day, it was super to be able to be outside until 8:30 or so. My raspberry bushes that I planted two years ago are loaded with berries and this is making me happy! I am sad to have to leave them behind when the farm sells and I
move away but I will plant more at my next home. Same with everything else that is growing and blooming in my gardens at the moment - I have taken pieces of just about everything I have here and have made transplants for my sister's and my daughter's properties. Some of the hostas that my sister has came from my father's garden. My mom gave them to her after my dad died and mom sold the family home and I am glad to have been able to take pieces from those from my sister and started them here. I have given several to friends as well.
When I came into the kitchen after arriving home from work I noticed that Nick had been shopping and there was a bag on the chair with several little scribblers in it, the kind he uses to practice his Ukrainian. There was also 4 or 5 toothbrushes in the bag as well. This still makes me laugh as I type about it. Who needs to buy that many toothbrushes at once when it's not Christmas?
Then I noticed that his wallet was sitting in plain view on top of the safe beside the chair. My first thought was to pick it up and go through it but then I remembered he had accused me before I left for work this morning of trying to unlock his phone last night. Which I did do but I lied and told him I hadn't. He said his phone notifies him when someone tries to do this and I don't know whether to believe him or not. Maybe it does or maybe he thinks he saw me on camera or heard me on video. His stupid phone makes those media sounds for everything. I know for sure I am not going to try it again. I will just check to make sure it is locked and if it is I will leave it alone. Maybe I will get lucky again and find it unlocked like I did the other day.
So I didn't pick up his wallet. I washed out my lunch containers and noticed his phone sitting on the counter which I knew better than to touch, but the set of keys he carries in his pocket all the time was sitting on the counter as well, right beside his phone in plain view. He should have written a little note saying 'pick me up and open the locked cupboard or the computer room'. I am actually surprised how stupid he must think I am. If he had just left the keys out I might have thought he had done it by mistake and he might have been able to catch me snooping into his cupboard. And really, what's wrong with that? Why does he feel he has to lock a cupboard in the kitchen? Well I know it is to prevent Salter from stealing from him, but so what if I find out what is in there? There is something so distorted with his logic.
I was thinking yesterday about the text message from his daughter talking about going to the gun range and I remembered that he had this big pistol out the other day and he was oiling it or whatever you do to those things. He was spinning the barrel (I think that's what it is called), the place where you put the bullets and then putting some more lube stuff on and spinning it again. He was doing this in a rather sinister fashion and he made completely sure to put it right in front of me so I could not miss or mistake what he was doing. He cracked the barrel open several times and then spun it and repeated this while he followed me around. We were having a conversation about something but I don't remember what it was about because the gun made such an impression on me. It was like I was in a movie and he was going to suddenly put it to my head and ask me if I was feeling lucky.
He has been yelling about Salter more lately than he had been and he has been swearing in frustration or whatever as he reads text messages and/or emails. I even made a comment about it this evening because he was sitting at the computer, reading emails I think and he started to chuckle as if he was finding something amusing and then he immediately spewed a long list of swear words - his usual compilation. I have to wonder what this is all about. He told me the other day that he is definitely going to 'get' Salter even if he has to go to jail for it. The only reason he would say this to me is to intimidate me and hope to frighten me, maybe into leaving and going to stay with my sister again. He must know that there is no person named Salter and he must know he is making this all up. I have asked Nick many, many, many times why he is making these stories up and he insists that he isn't and is adamant I am the liar. And I have also said to him that he must know that I know he is making this stuff up because I really do know the truth. It's not like he can put any doubt into my mind that I might be actually really having a affair with a guy named Salter. Of course I would know if I was or if I wasn't. It's almost like telling me there is a monster in the closet. We both know it isn't so. But I really have to wonder if he is able to distinguish what is real from what he is trying to tell himself is real. Maybe he is telling himself things to protect himself from the truth about what is really going on. He knows he is squandering large amounts of money that he can't afford to spend on steroids or supplements to stay young but he can't stop his addiction to this so he fabricates a story to deflect the blame away from himself to relieve his guilt about not being strong enough to resist his compulsion or gain control over his behavior. It almost makes sense.
He knows that is totally illogical for him to casually discard this life that I have provided for him - the dream existence of living on this beautiful property with the horses and raising our own food while enjoying the true wonders of nature and living so close to it all - from the hummingbirds who return each May to nest right outside the back door to the garter snakes that live in the rock garden and the deer who show off their fawns on September evenings. So he has created a scenario that totally makes him the victim, that I am having a romantic relationship with someone who is stealing things which is causing Nick to spend money to replace which absolves him of any wrong doing in regards to his own infidelity and his lack of financial responsibility.
Everything that is wrong with anything on the farm is always directly Salter's fault. It took me awhile to realize that everything is connected to this. I was puzzled for a long time about why Nick kept saying that Salter had been seen by our neighbour removing and raking sand in our riding arena. This totally made absolutely no sense to me. What a ridiculous thing for anyone to do! Then I realized that Nick knew that keeping our stallion up there instead of putting electric fencing in place around a section of our pasture was ruining the integrity of the layers of sand etc of the arena which were specifically created to give good footing and good drainage. The horse would pace back and forth over the same length of fence thus packing this down and forcing the top layer of sand to displace. Which I guess would give the same effect as if someone had taken the sand away. So of course, it is not Nick's fault that the thousands of dollars spent by the previous owners to construct a quality riding arena have been wasted - not by him being too lazy to create a suitable enclosure for the stallion - oh no, it was Salter's fault because he stole the sand. And my fault by association, if not more directly by giving permission. This is just one example of many things that have been ruined by neglect or carelessness.
It is also how Nick avoids responsibility for not picking up his tools after he uses them. If he can't find them, then of course, they were stolen. He avoids the guilt and the label of lazy from not performing routine maintenance by claiming that he doesn't have the tools necessary to do the job. Nothing is his fault. He takes no responsibility whatsoever for anything. There is always someone else to blame. What a huge amount of guilt he must be carrying around that he has to do this to avoid having to accept any more. I have to wonder what this burden is and where it might have come from.
Thursday 27 July 2017
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Thursday, July 27, 2017
I was off today and I was happy to sleep in a bit. Nick has been raging around the house at night as usual and doing his door slamming in the wee hours. He also got up early the day before yesterday and did the noisy husband stuff at 5am. I get a feeling like I have just been kicked in the stomach every time I hear the angry bangs. I always lie quietly in the dark and wonder how mad he is going to get. Then I remember he is not psychologically sound and I start to plan my escape in case he decides to direct his anger at me physically. I usually get up and put some sweatpants and a T-shirt on and position my shoes so I can slip them on in a hurry. I picture myself jumping out of bed into my shoes, grabbing my cell phone and purse and keys and going down the stairs at the back of the house to the family room and sneaking out the deck door from the family room that leads to the woods at the side of the property. There is sufficient cover either in the front or the back so I can make my way to my car from two directions or hide and wait for awhile. I can also make my way to the neighbours through the woods or to the highway to the other three homes across the road. I always get stuck when I try to imagine how I can manage to get my dog to come with me and not slow me down or give me away. I guess I will have to just let that part take care of itself. It's probably better if he stays behind.
Nick still hasn't filled out the Property Disclosure Statement required by the real estate people. The agent said she had had an inquiry on the property and they had asked to see that. I asked Nick several times today if we could sit down and fill it out but he always gave an excuse and he is now locked in the computer room listening to his XFactor re-runs. He listens to the same one or two over and over again. I mean, the girl can sing, but I get tired of hearing the judges same the same things over and over, even if they are speaking in Ukrainian.
At least he finished putting the stuff back in the garage today. The yard is finally not full of tools, tarps and boxes full of assorted junk. I don't think he put the tires back in the garage though. Maybe I am supposed to take those to my storage locker. I think I will put them back in the garage instead.
The dumpster bin is now officially full. There is some room to toss a few things on the top but other than that I did a very good job of filling it up. I was helping Nick put one of the old TVs outside and he was pulling it by the cord to drag it down the outside steps and as I reached down to lift it up so it wouldn't get stuck, it flipped clear of the step and onto my foot. The same foot that hurt so much the first of last week. I put a large bandaid on it and put on those sneakers of my daughters that are two sizes too big for me. There is going to be a good bruise there but nothing more serious than that.
I cleaned up the ensuite bathroom today as Nick did finish the wallpapering he started on Saturday. Of course he had left everything he used sitting either on the bed or on the floor and all the wallpaper cuttings and chunks of drywall from where he had filled in the holes behind the mirror and toilet paper holder were all over the floor, the toilet, the sink and the shower. Not to mention tracked out into the bedroom and from there into the hallway. I vacuumed each time he would hang a strip or two but he managed to spread the job out over a five-day period.
I went to the computer room this afternoon to ask Nick if he would hang the bathroom mirror for me so I could take a picture of the room to send to the real estate agent and I forget now why we went into the kitchen together, but I noticed his phone sitting on the table - unlocked! I have picked it up multiple times and tried to guess his passcode but of course I am never able to get into it. He needed me upstairs several times to hold the mirror and to help him measure but I managed to look around at his messages for 3 or 4 minutes. I was terrified he would catch me.
I think he is still communicating with the same woman he visited in Frankfurt in May. I know her name is Olesya but if they are the same person, it translates to Olga. That is how Nick refers to her in his messages to other people. He was texting a guy from his former office and they were discussing how young this Olga looks. I hate to say it but she does look very young for her stated age. Nick was also texting this Dave guy I have heard him on the phone with and I think this Dave guy is dating a Ukrainian woman as well and he is helping Nick with the translations somehow. Dave and Nick also discuss the price of some sort of birth product - I am assuming it is placental tissue or something similar - and the price they discuss is $2000.00. I have wondered for years what Nick is squandering all his money (and mine) on, and I do know he takes anabolic steroids and he must be buying some of this other stuff as well. He purchases a lot of supplements, but not nearly enough to add up to the amounts he is spending. I paid his Visa off for him in January 2014 from the proceeds of my house and it was $15,000, and then in October of 2016 he took the $31,000 from our mortgage and put that on his Visa. I guess that is about $1000 a month because it took him 2+1/2 years to run it up to $31,000 which is about 33 months. I suppose, honestly, it wouldn't take much to overspend by that amount each month.
I saw a text from Nick to his daughter asking her to send $50 to Olga because 'she is going to help get a resident card for me'. There is some reason Nick doesn't want the $50 easily traced back to him. Maybe it's simply because I found the Western Union receipt showing he had sent money to her before and he knows that will come up if the divorce ever goes all the way to court, but I have to wonder if he doesn't want it discovered by anyone else that he is planning to move there. And I don't mean me. Maybe he doesn't want to be found after he leaves. His daughter will know where he is, I know that now too. I wish I had thought to get Olga's number from Nick's phone when I had the chance.
The last thing I saw on Nick's phone was a text from his daughter that said 'if you're not busy next week we should go to the gun range lol'. I heard Nick talking on the phone to her yesterday and I know she is having relationship troubles with her live-in boyfriend. When I first read the text I thought it was a joke that they both could pretend to shoot at me, but on further consideration, I think maybe she meant her father could aim at me and she could aim at her boyfriend.
I was off today and I was happy to sleep in a bit. Nick has been raging around the house at night as usual and doing his door slamming in the wee hours. He also got up early the day before yesterday and did the noisy husband stuff at 5am. I get a feeling like I have just been kicked in the stomach every time I hear the angry bangs. I always lie quietly in the dark and wonder how mad he is going to get. Then I remember he is not psychologically sound and I start to plan my escape in case he decides to direct his anger at me physically. I usually get up and put some sweatpants and a T-shirt on and position my shoes so I can slip them on in a hurry. I picture myself jumping out of bed into my shoes, grabbing my cell phone and purse and keys and going down the stairs at the back of the house to the family room and sneaking out the deck door from the family room that leads to the woods at the side of the property. There is sufficient cover either in the front or the back so I can make my way to my car from two directions or hide and wait for awhile. I can also make my way to the neighbours through the woods or to the highway to the other three homes across the road. I always get stuck when I try to imagine how I can manage to get my dog to come with me and not slow me down or give me away. I guess I will have to just let that part take care of itself. It's probably better if he stays behind.
Nick still hasn't filled out the Property Disclosure Statement required by the real estate people. The agent said she had had an inquiry on the property and they had asked to see that. I asked Nick several times today if we could sit down and fill it out but he always gave an excuse and he is now locked in the computer room listening to his XFactor re-runs. He listens to the same one or two over and over again. I mean, the girl can sing, but I get tired of hearing the judges same the same things over and over, even if they are speaking in Ukrainian.
At least he finished putting the stuff back in the garage today. The yard is finally not full of tools, tarps and boxes full of assorted junk. I don't think he put the tires back in the garage though. Maybe I am supposed to take those to my storage locker. I think I will put them back in the garage instead.
The dumpster bin is now officially full. There is some room to toss a few things on the top but other than that I did a very good job of filling it up. I was helping Nick put one of the old TVs outside and he was pulling it by the cord to drag it down the outside steps and as I reached down to lift it up so it wouldn't get stuck, it flipped clear of the step and onto my foot. The same foot that hurt so much the first of last week. I put a large bandaid on it and put on those sneakers of my daughters that are two sizes too big for me. There is going to be a good bruise there but nothing more serious than that.
I cleaned up the ensuite bathroom today as Nick did finish the wallpapering he started on Saturday. Of course he had left everything he used sitting either on the bed or on the floor and all the wallpaper cuttings and chunks of drywall from where he had filled in the holes behind the mirror and toilet paper holder were all over the floor, the toilet, the sink and the shower. Not to mention tracked out into the bedroom and from there into the hallway. I vacuumed each time he would hang a strip or two but he managed to spread the job out over a five-day period.
I went to the computer room this afternoon to ask Nick if he would hang the bathroom mirror for me so I could take a picture of the room to send to the real estate agent and I forget now why we went into the kitchen together, but I noticed his phone sitting on the table - unlocked! I have picked it up multiple times and tried to guess his passcode but of course I am never able to get into it. He needed me upstairs several times to hold the mirror and to help him measure but I managed to look around at his messages for 3 or 4 minutes. I was terrified he would catch me.
I think he is still communicating with the same woman he visited in Frankfurt in May. I know her name is Olesya but if they are the same person, it translates to Olga. That is how Nick refers to her in his messages to other people. He was texting a guy from his former office and they were discussing how young this Olga looks. I hate to say it but she does look very young for her stated age. Nick was also texting this Dave guy I have heard him on the phone with and I think this Dave guy is dating a Ukrainian woman as well and he is helping Nick with the translations somehow. Dave and Nick also discuss the price of some sort of birth product - I am assuming it is placental tissue or something similar - and the price they discuss is $2000.00. I have wondered for years what Nick is squandering all his money (and mine) on, and I do know he takes anabolic steroids and he must be buying some of this other stuff as well. He purchases a lot of supplements, but not nearly enough to add up to the amounts he is spending. I paid his Visa off for him in January 2014 from the proceeds of my house and it was $15,000, and then in October of 2016 he took the $31,000 from our mortgage and put that on his Visa. I guess that is about $1000 a month because it took him 2+1/2 years to run it up to $31,000 which is about 33 months. I suppose, honestly, it wouldn't take much to overspend by that amount each month.
I saw a text from Nick to his daughter asking her to send $50 to Olga because 'she is going to help get a resident card for me'. There is some reason Nick doesn't want the $50 easily traced back to him. Maybe it's simply because I found the Western Union receipt showing he had sent money to her before and he knows that will come up if the divorce ever goes all the way to court, but I have to wonder if he doesn't want it discovered by anyone else that he is planning to move there. And I don't mean me. Maybe he doesn't want to be found after he leaves. His daughter will know where he is, I know that now too. I wish I had thought to get Olga's number from Nick's phone when I had the chance.
The last thing I saw on Nick's phone was a text from his daughter that said 'if you're not busy next week we should go to the gun range lol'. I heard Nick talking on the phone to her yesterday and I know she is having relationship troubles with her live-in boyfriend. When I first read the text I thought it was a joke that they both could pretend to shoot at me, but on further consideration, I think maybe she meant her father could aim at me and she could aim at her boyfriend.
Monday 24 July 2017
Monday, July 24, 2017
Monday, July 24, 2017
I was off Saturday, Sunday and today and I am very pleased with what I accomplished around here with regards to getting the place ready for sale. Of course the sign is already up so it is technically up for sale but I am still trying to work through the 'to do' list the real estate agent suggested. My daughter helped me cut the grass on Thursday and I got the whipper snipper going while she did that. What a huge difference it makes when you take the time to do it. Makes the whole property look so neat and cared for. The agent mentioned it and it is not something I usually bother with, but I have been convinced!
Saturday I started cleaning out the garage by taking everything out of it and then sweeping and wiping the shelving down, and putting the stuff back in it that I wanted to keep. When I got to Nick's stuff, I just left it in the yard for him to put away. That way he will know where it is and I won't be called on to find it. Actually it is about 9:30pm and Nick has still not finished putting his stuff back into the garage yet. I told him it was expected to rain this evening and it was starting to drizzle as I finished in the barn. I put the generator and the lawn mower back into the garage but I left everything else just where it was. Nick hasn't been outside yet and I assume it is still raining. Oh well, maybe I should have told him but I didn't. Am I being mean?
My daughters came out to help on Saturday and arrived mid-afternoon. We weeded the garden, which is a huge job - it took the three of us about 45 minutes to do. Then I got the white paint out for them and they finished painted the verandah in the back for me. It looks great. Then we drove to a teeny take-out place about 15 minutes away and got a pizza for supper. Very yummy. We had a few beers and I had some wine. It was so great to have them here. They stayed overnight and left about 10am the next day. My youngest was flying back to England Sunday afternoon and her sister offered to take her to the airport. I had planned to take her but I accepted the offer as I was anxious to use the time to get some more stuff done around here.
I painted the master bath - well I put primer on the walls as the room had been an orange colour and it took two coats. I thought I would leave it white but I didn't like it so I bought some grey paint this morning and painted it a pale grey instead. I am very happy with the grey. My favourite wall color. It has inspired me to paint the downstairs hallway grey as well.
After I had finished painting I put up the new shower curtain and towel and took pictures which I sent to the real estate agent. I scrubbed the bathtub so it would be clean and shiny as well.
I hired a young fellow to shovel out the two stalls in the addition to the barn where the calves had been kept last winter which Nick had never mucked out. There is about two feet of manure in there and it is dry and hard. He worked for a couple of hours and I took a brush and a bucket of water and began to clean the walls on the barn so I could take some pictures for the listing. I worked for a good two hours and managed to do enough so I could take a few good shots of the barn. It was amazing how nice and white the barn looked! It never would have occurred to me in a million years to wash the walls.
Nick actually put the wallpaper up in the ensuite bathroom. He did a lot of swearing however and throwing things around. The first wallpaper I purchased was tearing when it was wet, as Nick was trying to put it up on Thursday. So after I had supper with my daughters, I bought more but the new stuff required the wall to be pasted. I actually didn't notice this until I had finished paying for it and was in the car ready to come home. For some reason I looked at it and saw I needed to buy the paste as well. Which I did but which Nick was not pleased with at all. He did put it up today and it looks very good, he just has another two strips or so to do.
Most of the time I was working, Nick was on the computer either on the dating website or watching/listening those audition shows in Russian or Ukrainian. That's what he is doing now. He comes upstairs to bed at all hours of the night; he always slams his bedroom door and wakes me up.
He spent hours on his cell phone yesterday talking to someone as he pretended to weed and work in the garden. I really wish I knew who he was talking to and what they were discussing. Nick told me when we were in the garage that he had 'had it with Salter' and that 'he was going to pay him a visit with his friend Bubba and he didn't care if he ended up in jail'. I wonder if he was actually talking to this thug friend of his he calls Bubba. Apparently Bubba is usually in jail himself. And I wonder if he and Bubba are planning to take Salter out or if they are scheming to take me out so Nick can have everything for himself I have spent my life savings on in the belief that this farm would be the retirement dream I was told it would be.
I was off Saturday, Sunday and today and I am very pleased with what I accomplished around here with regards to getting the place ready for sale. Of course the sign is already up so it is technically up for sale but I am still trying to work through the 'to do' list the real estate agent suggested. My daughter helped me cut the grass on Thursday and I got the whipper snipper going while she did that. What a huge difference it makes when you take the time to do it. Makes the whole property look so neat and cared for. The agent mentioned it and it is not something I usually bother with, but I have been convinced!
Saturday I started cleaning out the garage by taking everything out of it and then sweeping and wiping the shelving down, and putting the stuff back in it that I wanted to keep. When I got to Nick's stuff, I just left it in the yard for him to put away. That way he will know where it is and I won't be called on to find it. Actually it is about 9:30pm and Nick has still not finished putting his stuff back into the garage yet. I told him it was expected to rain this evening and it was starting to drizzle as I finished in the barn. I put the generator and the lawn mower back into the garage but I left everything else just where it was. Nick hasn't been outside yet and I assume it is still raining. Oh well, maybe I should have told him but I didn't. Am I being mean?
My daughters came out to help on Saturday and arrived mid-afternoon. We weeded the garden, which is a huge job - it took the three of us about 45 minutes to do. Then I got the white paint out for them and they finished painted the verandah in the back for me. It looks great. Then we drove to a teeny take-out place about 15 minutes away and got a pizza for supper. Very yummy. We had a few beers and I had some wine. It was so great to have them here. They stayed overnight and left about 10am the next day. My youngest was flying back to England Sunday afternoon and her sister offered to take her to the airport. I had planned to take her but I accepted the offer as I was anxious to use the time to get some more stuff done around here.
I painted the master bath - well I put primer on the walls as the room had been an orange colour and it took two coats. I thought I would leave it white but I didn't like it so I bought some grey paint this morning and painted it a pale grey instead. I am very happy with the grey. My favourite wall color. It has inspired me to paint the downstairs hallway grey as well.
After I had finished painting I put up the new shower curtain and towel and took pictures which I sent to the real estate agent. I scrubbed the bathtub so it would be clean and shiny as well.
I hired a young fellow to shovel out the two stalls in the addition to the barn where the calves had been kept last winter which Nick had never mucked out. There is about two feet of manure in there and it is dry and hard. He worked for a couple of hours and I took a brush and a bucket of water and began to clean the walls on the barn so I could take some pictures for the listing. I worked for a good two hours and managed to do enough so I could take a few good shots of the barn. It was amazing how nice and white the barn looked! It never would have occurred to me in a million years to wash the walls.
Nick actually put the wallpaper up in the ensuite bathroom. He did a lot of swearing however and throwing things around. The first wallpaper I purchased was tearing when it was wet, as Nick was trying to put it up on Thursday. So after I had supper with my daughters, I bought more but the new stuff required the wall to be pasted. I actually didn't notice this until I had finished paying for it and was in the car ready to come home. For some reason I looked at it and saw I needed to buy the paste as well. Which I did but which Nick was not pleased with at all. He did put it up today and it looks very good, he just has another two strips or so to do.
Most of the time I was working, Nick was on the computer either on the dating website or watching/listening those audition shows in Russian or Ukrainian. That's what he is doing now. He comes upstairs to bed at all hours of the night; he always slams his bedroom door and wakes me up.
He spent hours on his cell phone yesterday talking to someone as he pretended to weed and work in the garden. I really wish I knew who he was talking to and what they were discussing. Nick told me when we were in the garage that he had 'had it with Salter' and that 'he was going to pay him a visit with his friend Bubba and he didn't care if he ended up in jail'. I wonder if he was actually talking to this thug friend of his he calls Bubba. Apparently Bubba is usually in jail himself. And I wonder if he and Bubba are planning to take Salter out or if they are scheming to take me out so Nick can have everything for himself I have spent my life savings on in the belief that this farm would be the retirement dream I was told it would be.
Monday 17 July 2017
Monday, July 17, 2017
Monday, July 17, 2017
Well a much better day today. I got a lot accomplished and Nick was away most of the afternoon which was peaceful.
He signed the real estate listing before he left. We had decided on $319, 000 as the price but when she was here he insisted on $328, 000 so I didn't argue in case he changed his mind and refused to sign at all. The 'for sale' sign is now up!
The agent and I managed to take quite a few pictures by moving things around the rooms as most of the rooms have stuff in them that is going to be packed up. I actually filled up my car this evening so I can drop stuff off at the storage unit after work tomorrow night on my way to the airport to pick up my daughter.
I spent most of the afternoon cleaning up the last room in the basement and I believe I found about half of the tools that Nick said were stolen. He wouldn't admit it when I showed them to him, but I know enough about tools to know that what I found includes a lot of what he is missing. I found most of it on the bottom shelf of an old bookcase that was shoved up against another bookcase and the stuff was all piled on top of itself almost as if the bookcase had fallen over or the shelves had tumbled out. I even vacuumed up the spider webs in the rafters and filled three large garbage bags with wood chips and pieces of bark that was laying all over the floor as a result of stacking wood for the furnace down there and also having the electric wood splitter there as well. I washed 3 or 4 barn jackets and hung them out on the clothesline and I also washed a couple of horse blankets. I seem to get so much more done when Nick is away. I think it has more to do with draining of motivation when he is here, just sitting on the computer while I slave away. Today he got home around 4 and I was upstairs on the bed with my laptop with my left foot up on a pillow while I sent some of the pictures of the property I had taken a few weeks ago off to the agent. When I thought my foot felt better I got up and went out to cut the grass in the back yard which was getting pretty high. I don't know what I did to my foot but my baby toe is very sore and I have been taping it tightly to the rest of my foot since Wednesday. It was so painful this afternoon after I had spent just 10 minutes at the grass that I was nearly in tears. I took some pain relievers and re-taped it and changed into a pair of my daughter's old sneakers that are 2 sizes too big for me and all this made a huge difference. After I got my upset stomach under control from the pills I got an energy spurt and I managed to finish all that I had hoped to do tonight -
cutting that grass, dragging the pile of bags and junk I had removed from the basement out to dumpster, loading up my car with the boxes I had packed for storage and making up the bed in Nick's daughter's room (the one he has been sleeping in) and cleaning it up so I could take pictures. And then sending them off to the real estate agent.
Nick just came to my bedroom door and yelled at me for putting the stuff from his dresser into a small cardboard box and setting it back on the dresser. I even was careful and thoughtful enough to place some of the things back on the dresser rather than leave them in the box - like his glasses, keys, reading light etc., things I know he will be looking for right away. No mention of how neat and clean the room looks, just a lot of banging and slamming doors. Great. 10:20 at night.
I put the stuff in a box because I figured if someone wants to look at the house then the box can just be picked up and put in the closet and the room will be neat with minimal effort. I know what it is like to live in a house that's up for sale and you have to have these strategies if you are going to keep your sanity.
He is getting himself a snack now and I guess I will just have to wait until he is finished his banging around. So childish. He is banging stuff around to show that he is pissed off and I am the one who spent all day cleaning and tidying and packing stuff up and cutting the grass on a hot and humid day with a sore foot while he spent the day in town doing errands and then sat in front of the computer for hours. He got up and went out to the barn to shovel and bring the horses in which took about 30 minutes in total. I guess maybe he expected I should be shovelling out the barn each day I have off like I used to when we had thirteen horses. But it's the only thing he does all day - and sometimes he doesn't even bother to do this - so I am not even going to consider doing it unless he refuses. I don't have the heart to let the horses have to spend the night in dirty stalls. I know they don't mind a day or two of manure, but I do.
Man I wish he would quit his banging. Now he is throwing chairs around. Or doing the jitterbug with them haha. Is he ever in a rage! About his stuff being put in a box? More likely about his internet lady or ladies letting him down. I think now he is still communicating with the one he went to visit. He writes things like 'why don't you write me?' and 'I can wait for you' in his Ukrainian practice scribbler. I look in it every day or two when he has gone out of the house to see what I can find out. I saw things like 'will you marry me' and 'you are my life' as well as the woman's name which was the same name on the Western Union money transfer receipt that I found. So every little bit of information is a piece of the puzzle. It may not mean something right away but I have learned that if you are patient and keep your eyes and ears and mind open, the truth will be revealed in time. How's that for some deep thinking?
Well Nick has finally slammed the door to his bedroom so I think I am safe to power down my computer and turn off my light. A good day all things considered. I guess the months and months of talking about putting the place up for sale are over and the doing has begun.
Well a much better day today. I got a lot accomplished and Nick was away most of the afternoon which was peaceful.
He signed the real estate listing before he left. We had decided on $319, 000 as the price but when she was here he insisted on $328, 000 so I didn't argue in case he changed his mind and refused to sign at all. The 'for sale' sign is now up!
The agent and I managed to take quite a few pictures by moving things around the rooms as most of the rooms have stuff in them that is going to be packed up. I actually filled up my car this evening so I can drop stuff off at the storage unit after work tomorrow night on my way to the airport to pick up my daughter.
I spent most of the afternoon cleaning up the last room in the basement and I believe I found about half of the tools that Nick said were stolen. He wouldn't admit it when I showed them to him, but I know enough about tools to know that what I found includes a lot of what he is missing. I found most of it on the bottom shelf of an old bookcase that was shoved up against another bookcase and the stuff was all piled on top of itself almost as if the bookcase had fallen over or the shelves had tumbled out. I even vacuumed up the spider webs in the rafters and filled three large garbage bags with wood chips and pieces of bark that was laying all over the floor as a result of stacking wood for the furnace down there and also having the electric wood splitter there as well. I washed 3 or 4 barn jackets and hung them out on the clothesline and I also washed a couple of horse blankets. I seem to get so much more done when Nick is away. I think it has more to do with draining of motivation when he is here, just sitting on the computer while I slave away. Today he got home around 4 and I was upstairs on the bed with my laptop with my left foot up on a pillow while I sent some of the pictures of the property I had taken a few weeks ago off to the agent. When I thought my foot felt better I got up and went out to cut the grass in the back yard which was getting pretty high. I don't know what I did to my foot but my baby toe is very sore and I have been taping it tightly to the rest of my foot since Wednesday. It was so painful this afternoon after I had spent just 10 minutes at the grass that I was nearly in tears. I took some pain relievers and re-taped it and changed into a pair of my daughter's old sneakers that are 2 sizes too big for me and all this made a huge difference. After I got my upset stomach under control from the pills I got an energy spurt and I managed to finish all that I had hoped to do tonight -
cutting that grass, dragging the pile of bags and junk I had removed from the basement out to dumpster, loading up my car with the boxes I had packed for storage and making up the bed in Nick's daughter's room (the one he has been sleeping in) and cleaning it up so I could take pictures. And then sending them off to the real estate agent.
Nick just came to my bedroom door and yelled at me for putting the stuff from his dresser into a small cardboard box and setting it back on the dresser. I even was careful and thoughtful enough to place some of the things back on the dresser rather than leave them in the box - like his glasses, keys, reading light etc., things I know he will be looking for right away. No mention of how neat and clean the room looks, just a lot of banging and slamming doors. Great. 10:20 at night.
I put the stuff in a box because I figured if someone wants to look at the house then the box can just be picked up and put in the closet and the room will be neat with minimal effort. I know what it is like to live in a house that's up for sale and you have to have these strategies if you are going to keep your sanity.
He is getting himself a snack now and I guess I will just have to wait until he is finished his banging around. So childish. He is banging stuff around to show that he is pissed off and I am the one who spent all day cleaning and tidying and packing stuff up and cutting the grass on a hot and humid day with a sore foot while he spent the day in town doing errands and then sat in front of the computer for hours. He got up and went out to the barn to shovel and bring the horses in which took about 30 minutes in total. I guess maybe he expected I should be shovelling out the barn each day I have off like I used to when we had thirteen horses. But it's the only thing he does all day - and sometimes he doesn't even bother to do this - so I am not even going to consider doing it unless he refuses. I don't have the heart to let the horses have to spend the night in dirty stalls. I know they don't mind a day or two of manure, but I do.
Man I wish he would quit his banging. Now he is throwing chairs around. Or doing the jitterbug with them haha. Is he ever in a rage! About his stuff being put in a box? More likely about his internet lady or ladies letting him down. I think now he is still communicating with the one he went to visit. He writes things like 'why don't you write me?' and 'I can wait for you' in his Ukrainian practice scribbler. I look in it every day or two when he has gone out of the house to see what I can find out. I saw things like 'will you marry me' and 'you are my life' as well as the woman's name which was the same name on the Western Union money transfer receipt that I found. So every little bit of information is a piece of the puzzle. It may not mean something right away but I have learned that if you are patient and keep your eyes and ears and mind open, the truth will be revealed in time. How's that for some deep thinking?
Well Nick has finally slammed the door to his bedroom so I think I am safe to power down my computer and turn off my light. A good day all things considered. I guess the months and months of talking about putting the place up for sale are over and the doing has begun.
Sunday 16 July 2017
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Another long day of painting and trying to clean up around here. I tried to make an entry here last night, but my computer had updates planned instead.
After work yesterday I had to have my daughter's car towed to a garage so it can be looked at, I think something is wrong with whatever it is that you use to change gears with in an automatic. Linkage? We thought it just wouldn't start but the tow truck guy jumped it and then when I tried to move it that is when I noticed it was very stiff and difficult to put into park, reverse, drive, etc.
I got up today and began to finish up painting the barn. I did get it all done except for some of the white trim that was up at the very top. I couldn't reach it with the extension ladder and although Nick put the bucket of the tractor up a couple of times so I could paint the main part of the barn, I couldn't be bothered to ask him to do it the 3 or 4 more times it would take to complete it entirely.
I tidied up a bit inside as the real estate agent is coming tomorrow. I noticed when I was vacuuming the living room that my antique phonograph was not in its usual spot so I asked Nick where it was and he told me Salter had taken it. Nick did admit after a lot of yelling that he took it and moved it downstairs to make a point. What exact point he was trying to make I am not sure. His logic evades me. I have to remind myself sometimes that there is no way to reason with him because his sense of reason is so distorted that it is just a waste of time and effort to try.
At the moment he is sighing and swearing and talking to himself as he walks into his bedroom and then stomps back out again and seems to be looking for something. I have my door open because it is so warm but I guess that is a good thing as he doesn't have to be very loud in order for me to hear his performance.
I must admit I do find it frustrating when I am working my heart around here day after day to fix this place up to sell while Nick sits on his computer all day. Today it was X Factor auditions he was watching and he had it turned up full blast while he spent about an hour in the ensuite bathroom getting it ready to put the wallpaper up. Then he announced that all of his sandpaper had been stolen so he wouldn't be able to do any more. So instead he spent another 5 or 6 hours sitting in front of the computer screen until he went out at dusk to shovel the stalls and bring the horses in. And then he was right back at it again. I honestly don't know what a person can do with a computer for that many hours a day, every day. My bum would be numb.
Another long day of painting and trying to clean up around here. I tried to make an entry here last night, but my computer had updates planned instead.
After work yesterday I had to have my daughter's car towed to a garage so it can be looked at, I think something is wrong with whatever it is that you use to change gears with in an automatic. Linkage? We thought it just wouldn't start but the tow truck guy jumped it and then when I tried to move it that is when I noticed it was very stiff and difficult to put into park, reverse, drive, etc.
I got up today and began to finish up painting the barn. I did get it all done except for some of the white trim that was up at the very top. I couldn't reach it with the extension ladder and although Nick put the bucket of the tractor up a couple of times so I could paint the main part of the barn, I couldn't be bothered to ask him to do it the 3 or 4 more times it would take to complete it entirely.
I tidied up a bit inside as the real estate agent is coming tomorrow. I noticed when I was vacuuming the living room that my antique phonograph was not in its usual spot so I asked Nick where it was and he told me Salter had taken it. Nick did admit after a lot of yelling that he took it and moved it downstairs to make a point. What exact point he was trying to make I am not sure. His logic evades me. I have to remind myself sometimes that there is no way to reason with him because his sense of reason is so distorted that it is just a waste of time and effort to try.
At the moment he is sighing and swearing and talking to himself as he walks into his bedroom and then stomps back out again and seems to be looking for something. I have my door open because it is so warm but I guess that is a good thing as he doesn't have to be very loud in order for me to hear his performance.
I must admit I do find it frustrating when I am working my heart around here day after day to fix this place up to sell while Nick sits on his computer all day. Today it was X Factor auditions he was watching and he had it turned up full blast while he spent about an hour in the ensuite bathroom getting it ready to put the wallpaper up. Then he announced that all of his sandpaper had been stolen so he wouldn't be able to do any more. So instead he spent another 5 or 6 hours sitting in front of the computer screen until he went out at dusk to shovel the stalls and bring the horses in. And then he was right back at it again. I honestly don't know what a person can do with a computer for that many hours a day, every day. My bum would be numb.
Thursday 13 July 2017
Thursday, July 13, 2017
10:30pm
I must say I am very pleased with the progress I made today cleaning up the basement. Three out of the four rooms look great. The last one has a lot of wood debris etc, but I am encouraged to tackle it now. I worked down there for five hours and then I came upstairs and started tidying up each room by packing away cluttery items. I washed a lot of bedding too. Jack didn't come today to shovel out the extension but he called and he may be out on Monday. He has a full-time job as well so he is squeezing this in.
Nick and his son loaded up the leg press machine and took that out of the basement as well. When he got back he brought his suitcase upstairs. I asked him if he was going on a trip but he didn't answer. I know he is communicating with a new lady now so I assume he will go over there again to meet her. I just hope he will still be here Monday to sign the listing agreement. But what a bad mood he is in lately. He said tonight as he got his supplements out that one of the bottles had pills missing as he had just opened it and it was nearly gone already. So of course that means that Salter was in here today to help himself.
10:30pm
I must say I am very pleased with the progress I made today cleaning up the basement. Three out of the four rooms look great. The last one has a lot of wood debris etc, but I am encouraged to tackle it now. I worked down there for five hours and then I came upstairs and started tidying up each room by packing away cluttery items. I washed a lot of bedding too. Jack didn't come today to shovel out the extension but he called and he may be out on Monday. He has a full-time job as well so he is squeezing this in.
Nick and his son loaded up the leg press machine and took that out of the basement as well. When he got back he brought his suitcase upstairs. I asked him if he was going on a trip but he didn't answer. I know he is communicating with a new lady now so I assume he will go over there again to meet her. I just hope he will still be here Monday to sign the listing agreement. But what a bad mood he is in lately. He said tonight as he got his supplements out that one of the bottles had pills missing as he had just opened it and it was nearly gone already. So of course that means that Salter was in here today to help himself.
Thursday, July 13, 2017
I will jump ahead to what is going on at present and attempt to fill in the missing weeks as I go.
We are putting the farm up for sale. I have contacted a real estate agent and she has been to the property to do an assessment as well as to give us a list of things to do to get ready to list. I am trying my best to get the stuff on that list done, but of course, I am getting no help or support (financial or other wise) from Nick. I had my daughters and my sister out on July 3 to help me paint the barn and that looks great, there is only a small piece to finish as well as the trim around 4 windows. We ran out of paint and I had to order more so that has arrived and I worked on the remaining parts on Monday. It is a little slow going by myself but I have managed to use the extension ladder and now I can reach any section I need to paint. Before we used only a step ladder and Nick did paint for about 30 minutes from the bucket of the tractor and did the very peak but that's when the paint ran out.
I have rented a 30yd dumpster bin for 30 days and it is sitting in the yard at the moment. I have two weeks left to fill it up. Actually it is about two-thirds full. I went through a lot of the boxes and stuff in the basement and tossed a lot out. On July 2, the evening before my daughters were to come out to do the barn, they decided to come out just after supper and we sorted through the majority of the boxes that were theirs that came back from university in Ontario. And some with Christmas odd and ends that didn't find their way into use. It was a lot of fun doing this and very productive.
I did manage to discard some of Nick's stuff along with mine and the girl's. I do feel bad about doing that, but it was a mistake, and I have been opening the boxes and taking a look through them to see what is inside. I put a number of boxes outside the computer room for him to look at, but they are still sitting there untouched after ten days. I even took pictures of them in the hallway. Oh and I hope the pictures I have started adding make this more interesting! Getting the photos from my phone to this computer is a somewhat tedious process, believe it or not, as they are transferred wirelessly and the internet here is spotty. It takes forever and I often do it at work where the wifi is so much faster and more reliable.
When I got home last night after work I noticed that Nick had piled up the stuff in the dumpster and then I realized he had gone through most of it. He had written me a note and left it on a box he had retrieved from the dumpster. (I must remember to come back here and insert a picture of the note!). The note let me know that I had thrown out some of his stuff, the tone was that I had done this intentionally, which was not the case. It would be so much easier if he could just lend a hand with cleaning out the basement, but I know this is not going to happen. I don't want to nag him or antagonize him on purpose or otherwise as I need him to sig n the listing agreement with the real estate agent. She was scheduled to come out this past Monday, but Nick texted me at work Friday morning to tell me he wasn't going to entertain the idea of signing until I had arranged the return of all of the things of his that are missing. So I let her know we had to cancel and then on Monday morning Nick says to me that we 'need to get the agent out here as soon as possible'. This was ten minutes before the time she originally had planned to be here. I re-scheduled her for the following Monday at 10am which is four days from now. I sure hope he doesn't decide to cancel a second time. he said he has figured out another way to deal with Salter, my imaginary boyfriend and neighbour as well as thief. Nick is threatening every day or so to get his thug buddy Bubba to join him in beating up this guy and 'leaving him dead or wishing he was dead'. Nick also left me a note saying he would 'visit' Salter if he had to.
I am off today and I had planned to finish up painting the barn but it is supposed to rain, although it hasn't started, so I think I will try to clear the last stuff out of the basement and then sweep, clean and tidy the four rooms down there and re-box/re-stack the stuff that has to be stored down there.
I put up a notice at the Irving gas station just down the road saying I was looking for someone young and strong to shovel out the extension to the barn which we had full of horses and the two calves only a few months ago. I shouldn't use the word 'only' because although it wasn't all that long ago, it has been three months since animals were in those stalls and Nick still has made no attempt to shovel them out. There were all just left the way the were the morning the horse that occupied went to its new home. I am proud to say all the horses went to good people, who will be the sole owners of our horses, so they will get the care and attention they need, and they will be ridden. We asked modest prices for them and some of them we gave away to friends of my mother's who live on farms close to my hometown. All but Invictus because he was sold to Randy who collects horses and doesn't do much at all with them. He leaves most of them put year long and his favorites he brings inside and keeps in straight stalls. Nick must have needed the money from him pretty badly to let him go there. But at least no one will whip him of put a sever bit in his mouth to make him behave.
I didn't sleep well last night, I feel that Nick is up to something. He has been banging and slamming around the house continually when I am home but I usually get some uninterrupted sleep in when he is sleeping. Last night however there was a black beetle in my bed that bit me twice before I got up and turned on the light and captured him in a bottle. The first time he bit me I just brushed him off thinking it was a spider, but the second time it was a hard bite and I jumped up to look at the spot under my arm where he had attacked me. I tried to get back to sleep but my mind was determined to convince me that Nick and his daughter had conspired and decided to get rid of me by having some deadly bug appear in my bed and do me in as I dreamed. I imagined the beetle had been investigated on and ordered from the internet. Neither Nick or his daughter do much else than cruise around on the computer every day. She doesn't work either.
I will jump ahead to what is going on at present and attempt to fill in the missing weeks as I go.
We are putting the farm up for sale. I have contacted a real estate agent and she has been to the property to do an assessment as well as to give us a list of things to do to get ready to list. I am trying my best to get the stuff on that list done, but of course, I am getting no help or support (financial or other wise) from Nick. I had my daughters and my sister out on July 3 to help me paint the barn and that looks great, there is only a small piece to finish as well as the trim around 4 windows. We ran out of paint and I had to order more so that has arrived and I worked on the remaining parts on Monday. It is a little slow going by myself but I have managed to use the extension ladder and now I can reach any section I need to paint. Before we used only a step ladder and Nick did paint for about 30 minutes from the bucket of the tractor and did the very peak but that's when the paint ran out.
I did manage to discard some of Nick's stuff along with mine and the girl's. I do feel bad about doing that, but it was a mistake, and I have been opening the boxes and taking a look through them to see what is inside. I put a number of boxes outside the computer room for him to look at, but they are still sitting there untouched after ten days. I even took pictures of them in the hallway. Oh and I hope the pictures I have started adding make this more interesting! Getting the photos from my phone to this computer is a somewhat tedious process, believe it or not, as they are transferred wirelessly and the internet here is spotty. It takes forever and I often do it at work where the wifi is so much faster and more reliable.
When I got home last night after work I noticed that Nick had piled up the stuff in the dumpster and then I realized he had gone through most of it. He had written me a note and left it on a box he had retrieved from the dumpster. (I must remember to come back here and insert a picture of the note!). The note let me know that I had thrown out some of his stuff, the tone was that I had done this intentionally, which was not the case. It would be so much easier if he could just lend a hand with cleaning out the basement, but I know this is not going to happen. I don't want to nag him or antagonize him on purpose or otherwise as I need him to sig n the listing agreement with the real estate agent. She was scheduled to come out this past Monday, but Nick texted me at work Friday morning to tell me he wasn't going to entertain the idea of signing until I had arranged the return of all of the things of his that are missing. So I let her know we had to cancel and then on Monday morning Nick says to me that we 'need to get the agent out here as soon as possible'. This was ten minutes before the time she originally had planned to be here. I re-scheduled her for the following Monday at 10am which is four days from now. I sure hope he doesn't decide to cancel a second time. he said he has figured out another way to deal with Salter, my imaginary boyfriend and neighbour as well as thief. Nick is threatening every day or so to get his thug buddy Bubba to join him in beating up this guy and 'leaving him dead or wishing he was dead'. Nick also left me a note saying he would 'visit' Salter if he had to.
I am off today and I had planned to finish up painting the barn but it is supposed to rain, although it hasn't started, so I think I will try to clear the last stuff out of the basement and then sweep, clean and tidy the four rooms down there and re-box/re-stack the stuff that has to be stored down there.
I put up a notice at the Irving gas station just down the road saying I was looking for someone young and strong to shovel out the extension to the barn which we had full of horses and the two calves only a few months ago. I shouldn't use the word 'only' because although it wasn't all that long ago, it has been three months since animals were in those stalls and Nick still has made no attempt to shovel them out. There were all just left the way the were the morning the horse that occupied went to its new home. I am proud to say all the horses went to good people, who will be the sole owners of our horses, so they will get the care and attention they need, and they will be ridden. We asked modest prices for them and some of them we gave away to friends of my mother's who live on farms close to my hometown. All but Invictus because he was sold to Randy who collects horses and doesn't do much at all with them. He leaves most of them put year long and his favorites he brings inside and keeps in straight stalls. Nick must have needed the money from him pretty badly to let him go there. But at least no one will whip him of put a sever bit in his mouth to make him behave.
I didn't sleep well last night, I feel that Nick is up to something. He has been banging and slamming around the house continually when I am home but I usually get some uninterrupted sleep in when he is sleeping. Last night however there was a black beetle in my bed that bit me twice before I got up and turned on the light and captured him in a bottle. The first time he bit me I just brushed him off thinking it was a spider, but the second time it was a hard bite and I jumped up to look at the spot under my arm where he had attacked me. I tried to get back to sleep but my mind was determined to convince me that Nick and his daughter had conspired and decided to get rid of me by having some deadly bug appear in my bed and do me in as I dreamed. I imagined the beetle had been investigated on and ordered from the internet. Neither Nick or his daughter do much else than cruise around on the computer every day. She doesn't work either.
Tuesday 11 July 2017
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
Well, where to start? On March 9 I went to the RCMP with some of my concerns. Let me just say that on Saturday March 11 I left the farm with only my cell phone and my laptop and my purse and the chargers for both. And my car. My youngest daughter was on her way out for a visit but I contacted her and I met her at her at my other daughter's place instead. I spent the night there and then I went to my sister's place on Sunday March 12. I had Monday off as well and I came back to the farm to grab a few more of my belongings but Nick wasn't here and I had no key to get inside. I have no keys to my own house because Nick accuses me of giving them or copies of them to Salter and so the last time Nick changed the locks (the third time, I think) I asked him not to give me a key, that way I would be unable to give it to anyone. I stopped at Costco on my way back to my sister's and picked up a couple of pairs of pants and a couple of T-shirts to wear to work. I learned very quickly there is very little you really need and a lot you can live without.
I ended up staying at my sister's for about 10 weeks. During that time I managed to sell all the horses except Invictus and Paladin, who have both since gone to new homes. Paul did deliver them which I was thankful for, I had to pay him $100 for one of the deliveries but it was worth it. Paul had Paladin gelded which really surprised me but he went to the same stable as his half-brother Kronos - the father of the young lady who bought Kronos bought him - and Invictus disappeared one Saturday while I was at work just recently - I believe he was sold to the fellow who trucked him down from Ontario for us and who has always wanted to own him. I found it incredible that Paul had sold that horse to that guy, we both agreed that while this guy thinks he is good to his horses, he actually doesn't understand what they need or how to handle them properly. I believe Paul needed money so badly that he sold his favorite horse to this guy.
I moved back to the farm on May 18th. Paul had a trip planned for May 20th, a Saturday that I worked and I had to work the Friday as well so I brought my stuff back on my day off, the Thursday. He was going to Europe to meet the lady from the Ukraine he had been communicating with and to whom he had been sending money by Western Union. I found the receipts in his wallet. I saw pictures of her on his screen saver on the computer. I saw her name where he had written stuff in his Hilroy scribbler that he used to practise his Ukranian in.
He left Saturday May 20th and came back the second Monday following, about 10 days later. He had told me he would be back on the Friday but he didn't arrive back at the farm until the next Monday.
I had a wonderful time while he was away despite the fact that I had to get up early to feed the animals and put the horses out before I left for work at 8am and I had to bring them in and feed them again when I got home at 9pm.
Well, where to start? On March 9 I went to the RCMP with some of my concerns. Let me just say that on Saturday March 11 I left the farm with only my cell phone and my laptop and my purse and the chargers for both. And my car. My youngest daughter was on her way out for a visit but I contacted her and I met her at her at my other daughter's place instead. I spent the night there and then I went to my sister's place on Sunday March 12. I had Monday off as well and I came back to the farm to grab a few more of my belongings but Nick wasn't here and I had no key to get inside. I have no keys to my own house because Nick accuses me of giving them or copies of them to Salter and so the last time Nick changed the locks (the third time, I think) I asked him not to give me a key, that way I would be unable to give it to anyone. I stopped at Costco on my way back to my sister's and picked up a couple of pairs of pants and a couple of T-shirts to wear to work. I learned very quickly there is very little you really need and a lot you can live without.
I ended up staying at my sister's for about 10 weeks. During that time I managed to sell all the horses except Invictus and Paladin, who have both since gone to new homes. Paul did deliver them which I was thankful for, I had to pay him $100 for one of the deliveries but it was worth it. Paul had Paladin gelded which really surprised me but he went to the same stable as his half-brother Kronos - the father of the young lady who bought Kronos bought him - and Invictus disappeared one Saturday while I was at work just recently - I believe he was sold to the fellow who trucked him down from Ontario for us and who has always wanted to own him. I found it incredible that Paul had sold that horse to that guy, we both agreed that while this guy thinks he is good to his horses, he actually doesn't understand what they need or how to handle them properly. I believe Paul needed money so badly that he sold his favorite horse to this guy.
I moved back to the farm on May 18th. Paul had a trip planned for May 20th, a Saturday that I worked and I had to work the Friday as well so I brought my stuff back on my day off, the Thursday. He was going to Europe to meet the lady from the Ukraine he had been communicating with and to whom he had been sending money by Western Union. I found the receipts in his wallet. I saw pictures of her on his screen saver on the computer. I saw her name where he had written stuff in his Hilroy scribbler that he used to practise his Ukranian in.
He left Saturday May 20th and came back the second Monday following, about 10 days later. He had told me he would be back on the Friday but he didn't arrive back at the farm until the next Monday.
I had a wonderful time while he was away despite the fact that I had to get up early to feed the animals and put the horses out before I left for work at 8am and I had to bring them in and feed them again when I got home at 9pm.
Monday 10 July 2017
Monday, July 10, 2017
Wow....sorry I have a lot of catching up to do here. So much has happened.
I thought my world was crazy when I wrote the last entry, but I never imagined how totally out of control it could actually get. Just like something you might see on TV.
I will have to continue tomorrow evening. I spent all day painting today and I am short of sleep lately. Nick has been banging just about anything you can slam or bang at all hours of the night. He decides to look for all kinds of random things at 1am and swears for hours while he searches. The other night he came into my bedroom at about 4am to rant that Salter has taken Nick's mother's teapot and pawned it for money. Coffee and milk are also missing. Maybe I should suggest that Nick take pictures of things, his memory sucks so much.
I will attempt to fill in some of the events of the past 3 or 4 months in the next few entries.
Thursday 9 March 2017
Thursday, March 9, 2017
March 9, 2017
I am getting exhausted already with this latest turmoil. But I made a visit to the local RCMP station this afternoon to ask a few questions and let them know what is going on out here and get some advice on what I should or should not do. I hate finding out after all is said and done that I 'should have done this' and 'if only I had done that'. I had a good chat with the officer there and in the course of our discussion he told me he had listened to Nick's audio tapes in which Nick alleges I am having sex in our bedroom with this Chris person, or certainly with someone other than my husband; and in another tape he says I am greeting Chris at the door of our home and proceeding to engage in oral sex with him in the hallway where the voice recorder was hidden. The first tape was supposedly recorded while Nick was away for work and the second one on the Monday after Christmas 2015 when Nick was gone for the day and I was home alone. Actually I was expecting my daughter to visit that day but she decided to stay at her sister's for the night instead, which I did not know at the time the recording was made. The officer also told me he heard no other voices on the tapes except for mine and he did not hear any of the activities Nick alleges took place. I was extremely relieved to have him reveal this to me. Although it is perfectly clear to me what I hear on the audio recordings I was never absolutely sure what conclusion someone else would arrive at about what they were hearing. And I have only listened to the 'hallway tape' and although I have asked many times to be allowed to hear the bedroom tape and Nick has promised many times to play it for me (as well as for my mother and daughters) I have never heard it. The officer said he had listened to approximately 40 hours of tapes in total and in none of them did he hear what Nick said he did.
I spoke to my mother last night on my way home from work. I stayed late in order to deal with a couple of things that popped up during the day and that I wasn't able to begin to resolve until almost closing time. And which couldn't be completely resolved until today when I would be off and which the person who works the opposite shifts from me would be there and thus obligated to handle.
I hadn't yet shared the news about the $31,000.00 Nick withdrew from the credit made available by the pay down on the mortgage and of course it upset her. She told me to contact the ombudsman who helped consumers with banking matters - I am not clear on if there is one for all the financial institutions or one specifically for the TD bank but this ombudsman got results on her behalf with an identity mix-up a few years back which she had been unable to straighten out despite months of trying on her own. I have called the TD branch where we deal three times and left messages asking to speak to or meet with the manager and the last time I called I received a return call from the 'manager who usually deals with customer escalations'. He answered my questions and addressed most of my immediate concerns on the phone but I still want to meet with a manager in person. I thought I might be able to do this today but was too busy yesterday at work to schedule such a meeting and I realized this morning I could not expect to see anyone today and decided to wait until I could call and arrange it ahead of time. And to be honest I couldn't face driving all the way in there today.
We needed 'sweet feed' for the calves - which is called 'sweet feed' when you buy it for horses but 'beef builder' when you buy it for cattle and it is essentially the same thing. It is a feed with extra protein mixed up with some molasses to give it a sweet taste and the energy boost that any form of sugar will give an animal the same as it does humans. It is a nice treat for the livestock and it kicks up their metabolism a notch which helps to keep them a little warmer during the winter. The feed store where I normally pick up the feed for the livestock had only one bag left when I was there earlier in the week and so I decided to stop by the RCMP on my way to a feed store which is actually closer to the farm but is in the opposite direction from my work. I managed to get something accomplished even though I hadn't done what I intended to get done today.
I got up to help in the barn before I hopped in the shower and I asked Nick about the marriage agreement as we were downstairs getting ready to go out. He avoided the topic and I refused to let it drop and finally he said he would review it and discuss it with me on Monday. I hope we can come to some kind of statement of what is mine to take from the marriage which of course is really just about everything because I paid for virtually everything. He was to contribute sweat equity and know-how for projects and improvements which never did materialize. The only sweat equity put into the farm was mine - I white-washed the fences at the front of the property and around the riding arena and I pressure-washed the deck this summer. He did put up the addition on the barn but he has never finished it. It needs stall doors and floors and a water-tight roof at the very minimum. It's extremely annoying because he does know how to do all of these things but he lacks any motivation to start any of the dozens of little jobs that need doing around here.
Whenever I ask him about fixing this or that, or about when he plans finish something he always has an excuse which ultimately comes back to the Chris person. Either the Chris person has taken the tools he needs to do the work or Nick says he isn't willing to make improvements around here that are only going to benefit me and my boyfriend. He also always claims that me and this boyfriend are continuously contriving to get Nick to abandon the farm so the boyfriend can move right in and take Nick's place. I wish somehow someone would walk out of Nick's bedroom instead of Nick and help me turn this farm into the homestead and country paradise I have imagined it could be since the day I first laid eyes on it.
I am getting exhausted already with this latest turmoil. But I made a visit to the local RCMP station this afternoon to ask a few questions and let them know what is going on out here and get some advice on what I should or should not do. I hate finding out after all is said and done that I 'should have done this' and 'if only I had done that'. I had a good chat with the officer there and in the course of our discussion he told me he had listened to Nick's audio tapes in which Nick alleges I am having sex in our bedroom with this Chris person, or certainly with someone other than my husband; and in another tape he says I am greeting Chris at the door of our home and proceeding to engage in oral sex with him in the hallway where the voice recorder was hidden. The first tape was supposedly recorded while Nick was away for work and the second one on the Monday after Christmas 2015 when Nick was gone for the day and I was home alone. Actually I was expecting my daughter to visit that day but she decided to stay at her sister's for the night instead, which I did not know at the time the recording was made. The officer also told me he heard no other voices on the tapes except for mine and he did not hear any of the activities Nick alleges took place. I was extremely relieved to have him reveal this to me. Although it is perfectly clear to me what I hear on the audio recordings I was never absolutely sure what conclusion someone else would arrive at about what they were hearing. And I have only listened to the 'hallway tape' and although I have asked many times to be allowed to hear the bedroom tape and Nick has promised many times to play it for me (as well as for my mother and daughters) I have never heard it. The officer said he had listened to approximately 40 hours of tapes in total and in none of them did he hear what Nick said he did.
I spoke to my mother last night on my way home from work. I stayed late in order to deal with a couple of things that popped up during the day and that I wasn't able to begin to resolve until almost closing time. And which couldn't be completely resolved until today when I would be off and which the person who works the opposite shifts from me would be there and thus obligated to handle.
I hadn't yet shared the news about the $31,000.00 Nick withdrew from the credit made available by the pay down on the mortgage and of course it upset her. She told me to contact the ombudsman who helped consumers with banking matters - I am not clear on if there is one for all the financial institutions or one specifically for the TD bank but this ombudsman got results on her behalf with an identity mix-up a few years back which she had been unable to straighten out despite months of trying on her own. I have called the TD branch where we deal three times and left messages asking to speak to or meet with the manager and the last time I called I received a return call from the 'manager who usually deals with customer escalations'. He answered my questions and addressed most of my immediate concerns on the phone but I still want to meet with a manager in person. I thought I might be able to do this today but was too busy yesterday at work to schedule such a meeting and I realized this morning I could not expect to see anyone today and decided to wait until I could call and arrange it ahead of time. And to be honest I couldn't face driving all the way in there today.
We needed 'sweet feed' for the calves - which is called 'sweet feed' when you buy it for horses but 'beef builder' when you buy it for cattle and it is essentially the same thing. It is a feed with extra protein mixed up with some molasses to give it a sweet taste and the energy boost that any form of sugar will give an animal the same as it does humans. It is a nice treat for the livestock and it kicks up their metabolism a notch which helps to keep them a little warmer during the winter. The feed store where I normally pick up the feed for the livestock had only one bag left when I was there earlier in the week and so I decided to stop by the RCMP on my way to a feed store which is actually closer to the farm but is in the opposite direction from my work. I managed to get something accomplished even though I hadn't done what I intended to get done today.
I got up to help in the barn before I hopped in the shower and I asked Nick about the marriage agreement as we were downstairs getting ready to go out. He avoided the topic and I refused to let it drop and finally he said he would review it and discuss it with me on Monday. I hope we can come to some kind of statement of what is mine to take from the marriage which of course is really just about everything because I paid for virtually everything. He was to contribute sweat equity and know-how for projects and improvements which never did materialize. The only sweat equity put into the farm was mine - I white-washed the fences at the front of the property and around the riding arena and I pressure-washed the deck this summer. He did put up the addition on the barn but he has never finished it. It needs stall doors and floors and a water-tight roof at the very minimum. It's extremely annoying because he does know how to do all of these things but he lacks any motivation to start any of the dozens of little jobs that need doing around here.
Whenever I ask him about fixing this or that, or about when he plans finish something he always has an excuse which ultimately comes back to the Chris person. Either the Chris person has taken the tools he needs to do the work or Nick says he isn't willing to make improvements around here that are only going to benefit me and my boyfriend. He also always claims that me and this boyfriend are continuously contriving to get Nick to abandon the farm so the boyfriend can move right in and take Nick's place. I wish somehow someone would walk out of Nick's bedroom instead of Nick and help me turn this farm into the homestead and country paradise I have imagined it could be since the day I first laid eyes on it.
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